OK, sensative types better check out before reading further - or read this after your dinner. ... The worst outhouse experiences:

It'll be tough to beat this one. I was with my new bride over on Montana's famous Flathead Lake, on the SW corner over beyond Poulson. We stopped at a wayside because I had 'packed the staging area' as much as it could withstand. I went into the outhouse, sat on the wiped off seat, and fired a ROCKET in there that splased the cess pool sludge all the way up onto my rump! AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I screamed at amy wife to bring me a couple beers QUICK. She must have started to wonder if she married the right guy, eh? I* shook those bottles up hard and opened them to 'firehose' myself off until I could get some stronger stuff down the road to finish the cleanup. I still have a bit of outhouse phobia to this day from that harrowing ordeal. ... Geez, don't tell anyone about that. K?

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Know Sh*tters or NO [Bleeeeep!]!