I had to pepper spray a roommate once. It was a deliciously white trash moment in my life. When the cops showed up, one of them asked me, "Why did you pepper that poor girl? She's alot smaller than you."

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well if I had her in a headlock when you came through my door, you would have put that nightstick up my ass."

Boise's Finest, who is also the new guy, says to me, "You have a smart mouth."

Without thinking I say out loud, "Well you have pretty teeth." And then his training officer, and the back up cops start laughing at him.

I glanced down at his belt and noticed he was carrying a brand new, molded polycarbonate PR24 side handled baton. That was good news for me. The side handle would prevent the baton from becoming completely lodged, and the plastic meant no splinters. Good colon health is important to me.



Blades,

Sorry sometimes I like to reminisce. So what was the pepper spray advice you were looking for? How to get it off your face? When to use it? Or is it OK for a guy to use it? I gave the follow ing advice last year. My apologies to those who've already read it.

I don't see any problem with pepper spraying someone bigger. Plus its kind of flattering to get peppered. Its says to your opponent "Hey I can't reach up to hit you in the jaw, so I'll just spray you like a skunk".

I would recommend that mace "rape spray". Its got a permanent ink ingrediant so that law enforcement can find the perp. Or you could just throw your egg cure at him. Or even better, why not just vomit on the guy. That'll distract most people long enough for a quick get away. Especially if you've been eating cheetos and drinking soda. That bright orange fizzy puke is very distracting.

Crapping your pants also has its advocates. I find that it takes too long if I've been eating enough fiber. Usually, if I've been fishing, my dietary fiber intake drops to 0%. I can crap my waders almost on cue. Reese's Red and Green Chile Burrito's from the gas station really help.

You don't actually have to form a stool to avoid being beaten. Passing gas vigorously will also work. I was in the middle of a fight once and had the guy in a headlock on the ground. He ripped a big one and it took all the hate right out of me. He may have also had a bowel movement, but I choose to believe he did not.


Vince