This was in the PI. A great schdule for all you from probation nation!


Guilt washes over me on rare occasions, and this is one of them. If Huskies fans want to ease the pain, it's helpful to know what to expect and how to act. The Go 2 Guy's Apple Cup day planner is specially designed for them:


Saturday

6:45 a.m. -- You see Cody Pickett riddle the Coug secondary, throwing his fifth touchdown pass to Reggie Williams. You see Gilby smiling. You see a sober Coug. You stand and cheer and look at the scoreboard: Washington 41, WSU 6. Your alarm goes off.

8 a.m. -- Drink first Bloody Mary and make it a double. Play "Bow Down to Washington" on your CD player, hoping you will hear it later.

9 a.m. -- Read Ted Miller's story in P-I to find out if Huskies are going to lose by three touchdowns or four touchdowns. Play "Tequila" on your CD player, hoping you will hear it later.

11:33 a.m. -- Listen to Huskies great Hugh Millen on KJR's pregame show and thank the football gods your 40th birthday won't be ruined today.

Noon -- Arrive at Husky Stadium on your Chris-Craft. Fire off siren from boat and finally get a grip, knowing you won't hear it later.

12:30 p.m. -- Drink first glass of chardonnay.

1:15 p.m. -- Think about how cool it would be to defend your Northwest Championship.

1:16 p.m. -- Realize the booze is kicking in if you think that will actually happen.

1:30 p.m. -- Privately wish Neuheisel was still in charge because he's 4-0 against the Cougars. But don't tell anyone. Bad-mouth his recruits instead.

1:45 p.m. -- Sample the braised lamb, commiserate with fellow tailgaters, make conversation by asking if the players have quit on Gilby.

1:46 p.m. -- Receive answer from fellow tailgaters: "Of course they have, you idiot! What a stupid question."

2:01 p.m. -- Daydream about somehow beating the Cougars, keeping that bogus non-losing streak intact and sneaking through the back door to the Las Vegas Bowl.

2:02 p.m. -- Realize that you're really hammered now.

2:12 p.m. -- Notice drunken, belligerent Coug fans making fools of themselves two tailgates over.

2:13 p.m. -- Eliminate redundancies. Notice Coug fans two tailgates over.

2:48 p.m. -- Rehash losses to Nevada, Arizona and Cal. Wonder how in the world Dave Samek of dawgman.com could have forecast a 12-0 season for your sorry squad.

3:03 p.m. -- Tell yourself, what the hell, it's going to be ugly, might as well have another. Down 13th glass of chardonnay.

3:25 p.m. -- Enter stadium with purple-and-gold sack over your head.

6:05 p.m. -- Leave stadium in third quarter with Huskies trailing 45-6. Make that 45-0 -- you forgot both field goals were blocked. Pelt taunting Coug fan with plastic bottles. Curse Cody and Gilby. Blame Hedges and Neuheisel.

7:30 p.m. -- Arrive home in Medina, Hunts Point or Laurelhurst.

7:35 p.m. -- Call postgame show to vent. Hear Dick Baird say: "Well, the kids tried hard."

7:45 p.m. -- Ponder pending lawsuits and sanctions, wonder if bowl ban will include the 2004 Silicon Valley Classic.


Monday

8 a.m. -- Cancel season tickets.