Saundu,

It typically comes down to one basic issue, lack of communication. Now that is just the tip of the iceberg in front of the SS Saundu marriage. Lack of communication has always been there even when you were dating so just talking will not fix it, now. Neither one has confidence in the other re communication and follow through and you do not have an agreed process of communication that works. Both of you have been cataloging the perceived slights of the other for many years now and now there is a massive wall of resentment between the two of you. That wall cannot be knocked down it has to be disassembled a piece at a time.
So you have to decide one thing and one thing only, if you love her? If you do then you have to decide that you will do anything you have to fix your issues that have prevented you from having a happy and fulfilling relationship. Then she has to do the same. For you that means find a counselor that you can work with a start peeling the layers of the onion named Saundu. Once you have made some progress the counselor will decide its time to add Mrs Saundu to the mix or not. It may not work it out it might but you will be a better person for it in the long run. .

I look at it this way. I made a promise to my self, my wife my friends and family in public that I would keep my word. No one forced me I came up with the idea all on my own. I compounded that choice when I decided to have kids. Nothing in life worth a dollar ever comes easy, everything I value has come at a price. People give up on themselves too easily in my opinion and it makes it easier to give up on others. They live a compromised life because of it.

A friend of mine confided in me late last year that he and his wife had only had sex with each other 12 times is 25 years of marriage. He was miserable, I asked him why not look in the mirror and find out why he allowed it to get that far. He dropped dead Feb 12th . Moral of the story is, life is short, shorter for some more than others. Every day spent unhappy is a bad investment because you can never get it back. Good luck on your journey.