Looks like your pre-election cramping is really amping up. Try cutting your dosage of Faux News by half. Put on a soothing Anne Coulter book on tape and listen to it until you fall asleep, which for the average person should take about five minutes.

Caution: Listening to Anne Coulter tapes has been associated with failure to thrive syndrome in infants, irritable postitus in teens, and premature ejerkulation in adults. Some cases of early brain fade have been reported amongst all age groups...