Those are pretty good but there is some copyright infringement on #2 when he is talking about "drop down to one knee, and bam right in the chode".

My friend was talking about how you would beat up a woman and told me that exact thing, almost verbatim except he said: "When she comes at you, just drop down to one knee, and then (uppercut motion) bam! Right in the box!"

I'll never forget it because it was one of the funniest/strangest things I have ever heard, and it seemed like he had put a lot of thought into it for some reason.

He is from Montana, so maybe it is a thing over there in the rockies.