Dear Messers Brady and Kraft,

We have reviewed your appeals, and after a full reconsideration of the record, and taking into account the additional information and persuasive arguments you both have presented to us over the last two weeks, we are forced to agree that the penalties including a four game suspension, one million dollars, and two draft picks were indeed grossly disproportionate to the severity of your alleged transgressions.

The penalties have been revised as follows:

Tom Brady is suspended for eight games because he is even a bigger Douchebag than we all thought...and frankly, we all thought he was a pretty big Douchebag to begin with.

Accordingly the monetary penalty has been increased to ten million dollars. If Mr. Brady can't afford this penalty we suggest he check his wife's pocketbook, which is in the bedside table next to the jar where she keeps Mr. Brady's balls (inflated or otherwise).

The team will also now lose first round picks for the 2016, 2017 and 2018 seasons, and third rounders in those same years.

Rober Kraft is also forbidden from visiting tanning beds throughout those three years.

Suck it,

The NFL