Oh look, it's America's two favorite millionaire hall monitors: Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel still pretending they're edgy late-night rebels while slowly bleeding out in front of an audience that's mostly on blood thinners. Colbert pulls in a whopping 2.545 million total viewers; impressive until you realize that's roughly the same as a rainy Tuesday episode of The Price is Right. Kimmel clocks in at 2.013 million, which is makes him the lesser late night dinosaur. Together they dominate the 11:35 slot, if your definition of "dominate" is splitting a dying pie three ways with Jimmy Fallon.

But here's the real comedy: their prized 18-49 demographic, you know the only ones advertisers care about? Colbert gets 229,000. Kimmel gets 230,000. That's it. Nine percent of their audience is actually young enough to still have functioning knees and a future. The rest? Boomers and upper-middle-class wine aunts who clap for the 47th Trump joke like it's their first, but they probably don't remember it's not their first with the foggy vino memory.

Financially? These clowns are absolute disasters. Colbert's show costs ~$100 million a year to produce (including his $15-20M salary) and loses $40 million annually. That's right, he's running the most expensive anti-Trump therapy circlejerk in television history. Kimmel isn't much better, pulling in just $46 million in ad revenue while burning through similar overhead. They're not just losing money, they're setting it on fire while lecturing you about climate change.

And now the market is finally euthanizing them. Colbert's show is getting cancelled in May 2026 after years of declining ratings and brutal financial losses. Kimmel is next, he's just the one still pretending the ventilator isn't beeping. Streaming, YouTube, TikTok, and podcasts ate their lunch. Turns out young people don't want to watch two rich, smug, out-of-touch Hollywood elites spend 20 minutes monologuing about how evil half the country is, followed by a softball interview with a celebrity who agrees with them.

They went from cultural powerhouses to expensive nostalgia acts faster than you can say "woke bubble." The audience fragmented, the ads dried up, and the smug superiority didn't age well. Late-night is dying, and these two are the poster boys for why. The revolution will not be televised on CBS or ABC. it'll be on your phone, and it won't include 15 minutes of Trump hair jokes.

Salmo considers Kimmel and Colbert valid news sources which he probably watches after his hours long binges of CNN from his boomer recliner just to get a small variety to feel well-rounded and to feel convinced he lacks any confirmation bias. Neither of those two clowns have a shred of credibility. Add whacko Hollywood elite guest to make a dig at Trump and now he’s fully convinced!

Birds of a feather…


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