Okay, first of all I was heavily advised against posting this very embarrasing story but now that I look back on it, I think it is quite humerous. Besides, everyone already knows that I manage to do some pretty embarrasing things.

I guess I will doing anything for a little attention and I am sure the story that follows will provide me with plenty.

Eventhough I have a desk that is perfect for tying flies, I still plop my vice down on a pillow on my bed and sit there and tie. Also, my tying materials are in complete disarray. I have yet to discipline myself to put the marabou and hackles and even hooks back into their packaging. I have bins upon bins of loose hooks and tangled messes of tinsels, chenilles, thread and marabou.

Usually when I am done tying, I push all the crap back into the bins but in the process many of the materials just end up on my bed. I either throw them in a bin or throw 'em back on my tying pedestal.

Normally I atleast put the bins back in the little stacker thingamijig that I have but I have been tying many flies every night as of late, so I just threw the bins and crap on the floor and went to bed.

I woke up at about 5 in the morning last night and was just trying to get comfortable again. I was tossing and turning and on one spin to the other side, I felt a deep, penatrating, sharp and painful as Hell feeling in my left buttocks. I reached down to see if I could feel what is was and it was frickin' hook.

Everytime I moved the pain got worse and worse and worse. I tried to sit up to reach at it but the pain was unbearable. It had actually gone through my mattress pad, through my sheet, my boxers and finally into my ass.

I did what I could to get the pain to go away but it wouldn't and I could not, for the life of me, get a good grip on the hook without the pain reaching near screaming mode.

I looked around to see if I could find a pair of pliers to cut it at the shank but there were none around. I tried to reach for my lamp so I could atleast see what I was doing but even that was too much pain to bare.

I was almost at the point of yelling for HELP, but I figured there was a much better way of solving the problem at hand. Last thing I wanted was my sister to walk in and see me stuck to my bed with a hook in my ass, in my underwear.

I hoped that the hook had not gone through the mattress so I began to peel away the mattress pad. Reaching to every corner of the bed involved large amounts of shearing pain but I had to do it. After about 5 minutes I had the mattress pad off and totally wrapped around me, as to prevent it from getting caught on anything which would inturn pull on the hook.

I managed to get up, turn on the light and back the hook out through the pad, the sheet, my underwear and my ass...with not alot of blood lost. What hook had been set into my ass??...a size 1 1/2 Alec Jackson Heavy Wire.

Oh well...hope ya all got a good laugh!!!

What no visuals Ryan..
That is the funniest that I have read in a
long time.....by the way...have you had a tetanus
booster???

Sorry, no visuals. I got a Tetanus Booster about 5 years or so ago when a pencil got lodged about 4" into my calf.

At first I was worried infection because it felt like it got lodged in there very deep but I was surprised when I look at the wound in the mirror. It does not look that severe...it sure felt that way though.

Well, at least you know your hook is sharp...

I was afraid you were going to tell us it was a "pirate" colored hot shot.

Now that.... was a great way to wake up!
Laughing!!!

Too funny!
Reminds me of the time I brought a new kitty home. I had a large plant in a planter at my bed head.
Kitty decided to take a dump in it in the middle of the night. After doing her work, she attempted to bury it, spraying it from one end of the bed to the other... EVERYWHERE!
I woke up in the morning, after tossing and turning in it... Kitty poop from head to toe, smashed in my hair, EVERYWHERE.
That wasn't funny until 20 years later, now that I recall.
Still isn't as funny as a hook in your back side!

Thanks for the visual!
Jen

What did you expect to catch with that new "fly" dressing? Did you have a name in mind for the new fly?

Practicing your catch and release?

Yet another fine argument for the case of going BARBLESS...

Could have been worse, you could have been sleeping on your stomach. I'd hate to have to pull a hook out of Mr. Happy

Good thing you werent sleeping on your stomach!

Duh. I shoulda read AKkings post before I replied. Guess I need to be awake when I post something.

Well, now you'll have more sympathy when you accidently snag a poor salmon in the a$$. You'll be more inclide the just cut the leader and let it go on its way.... (:

ROTFLMFAO......Hey Sparky
I sure hope this was the first time you ever woke up and found something stuck in you're @ss

PS...to avoid this in the future....never go camping with RT and Stew ....Os

Ryan, glad you decided to share. LMAS

Don't lose that hook! In a strange way that could turn out to be a lucky one. It might have the perfect amount of stank to attract the fish. (couldn't resist) Jack

And everybody wonders why we call him "SPECIAL"

:p Name the fly and call it a "bloody butt bug". :p

Ryan I'm always pickin up hooks in the feet....rec you do like I do and keep a couple of pairs of leadmasters layin around. In the butt...too funny...sorry :p ! Watched a guy on the Nooksack clip a branch on the backswing and drive a 2/0 gammy into his butt....poor cracker. Lent him my leadmasters. You sure your sister didn't lace your bed?

gooose

LMAO!!!!