#164199 - 11/04/02 09:45 PM
Light hearted
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River Nutrients
Registered: 05/27/00
Posts: 2558
Loc: Stumpy Acres
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A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is--- MOLASSES
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If ya can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch!
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#164200 - 11/04/02 10:05 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Returning Adult
Registered: 09/28/00
Posts: 296
Loc: Renton WA
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That is nothing but first class.!!!!
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rip some lips
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#164201 - 11/04/02 11:55 PM
Re: Light hearted
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River Nutrients
Registered: 03/08/99
Posts: 6830
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A man want's more size so he goes to the doctor. The doc tell's him there is a new method out but it really hasn't been tested. It's elephant DNA. The man pleads to try it. A month later he is sitting in a restraunt with his girl friend when all of a sudden his fly unzips itself. Out it comes, grabs a roll and goes back in. The girl friend is ecstatic. "OH MY GOD!!! DO THAT AGAIN!!!". The man looks at her with tears in his eyes and say's "I don't know if I can fit another roll up my ass".
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"You learn more from losing than you do from winning." Lou Pinella
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#164202 - 11/05/02 11:47 AM
Re: Light hearted
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Juvenille at Sea
Registered: 10/16/01
Posts: 221
Loc: Hoquiam/Newton
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Read this riddle out loud to someone or yourself and see if they/you can figure it out. I we Todd did. I we Todd did. I Sofa King we Todd did.
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#164203 - 11/05/02 12:44 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Returning Adult
Registered: 09/12/01
Posts: 351
Loc: yelm, wa
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GIRL'S AND BOY'S PRAYERS:
A GIRL'S PRAYER:
Lord, Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's willy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait Weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more!
Oh! send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen.
A BOY'S PRAYER:
Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs who owns a beer store. Amen
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Any day spent fishing does NOT count against one's life expectancy!! Cyberfishing from Korea sux!!
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#164204 - 11/05/02 01:46 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Spawner
Registered: 10/21/02
Posts: 514
Loc: NE Seattle
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f4s, you forgot she should be deaf and blind too!
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The drift is always greener on the other side.
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#164205 - 11/05/02 01:56 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Returning Adult
Registered: 09/12/01
Posts: 351
Loc: yelm, wa
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That would sound too much like an old Cheech and Chong line...
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Any day spent fishing does NOT count against one's life expectancy!! Cyberfishing from Korea sux!!
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#164207 - 11/05/02 03:40 PM
Re: Light hearted
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The Tide changed
Registered: 08/31/00
Posts: 7232
Loc: Everett
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Well, since it is voting day:
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman replied, "You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a republican," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be a democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, you chose a horribly in inefficient way to get to your destination, and you expect me to solve your problem.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
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You know something bad is going to happen when you hear..."Hey, hold my beer and watch this"
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#164208 - 11/05/02 05:06 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Spawner
Registered: 12/05/00
Posts: 565
Loc: Everett, Wa, USA
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Sky Guy:
I loved that post!!!
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#164209 - 11/05/02 05:48 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Repeat Spawner
Registered: 02/28/02
Posts: 1203
Loc: Marine Area 13
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Blonde Valedictorian
A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ''I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?'' Her mother replied, ''Of couse it is, dear.'' The next day, the blonde said, ''I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?''Her mother replied, ''Of course it is dear!''The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ''I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?''Her mother replied, ''No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."
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"If you are not scratchin bottom, you ain't fishing deep enough!" -DR
Puget Sound Anglers, Gig Harbor Chapter
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#164210 - 11/05/02 06:53 PM
Re: Light hearted
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River Nutrients
Registered: 03/09/99
Posts: 2682
Loc: Muk
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To keep the Nature Theme that Timber started A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go the bartender shouts, 'Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!' The panda yells back at the bartender, 'Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!' The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: 'A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves'.
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#164211 - 11/05/02 06:56 PM
Re: Light hearted
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River Nutrients
Registered: 03/09/99
Posts: 2682
Loc: Muk
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Got another Ole was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently leaving a lake well known for its Walleye. He had two buckets of fish. As it was during the spawning season, the game warden asked, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" Ole replied, "No, sir! Dese here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" the warden replied. "Ya sure, you betcha." answered Ole. "Every night I take dese fish here down to da lake and let dem svim around for a while. Den I vhistle and dey yiump back into deir buckets and I take dem home." "That's a bunch of hooey. Fish can't do that." said the game warden. Ole looked at the game warden with an expression of great hurt, and then said, "Yumpin Yimminy! Vell den, I'll just show you den. It really does vork, don'tcha know?" "O.K. I've got to see this!" The game warden was reallycurious now. So Ole poured the fish into the lake and stood waiting. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Ole and said, "Well?" "Vell what?" responded Ole. "When are you going to call them back?" "Call who back?" asked Ole. "The fish!" "What fish?"
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#164212 - 11/05/02 07:14 PM
Re: Light hearted
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The Tide changed
Registered: 08/31/00
Posts: 7232
Loc: Everett
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I got another too.
I was talking to my Father last week, and told him I just got a really nice fishing pole for my wife.
he said "Great Trade!"
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You know something bad is going to happen when you hear..."Hey, hold my beer and watch this"
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#164213 - 11/05/02 07:42 PM
Re: Light hearted
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River Nutrients
Registered: 03/09/99
Posts: 2682
Loc: Muk
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another one Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and after a little pondering, comes up with "moose cock". He tells his friend he's ready to play. "OK" says the second Canadian. "Is it something good to eat?" The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies, "Sure, I guess you could eat it." The second Canadian says, "Is it a moose cock?"
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#164214 - 11/05/02 10:05 PM
Re: Light hearted
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Spawner
Registered: 12/05/00
Posts: 565
Loc: Everett, Wa, USA
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2 duck hunters out on their first trip together pull into the area they were planning to hunt. The first hunter gets out of the truck and sends the dog down to the pond.
The second hunter says "Hey where is your dog goin?
The first hinter says "I sent him down to the pond to see if there is any ducks here."
Just then the dog runs back up the trail shakes his head and jumps back into the truck.
The first hunter says "No ducks here lets go"
The second hunter says "thats amazing I have to have that dog I'll give you $25,000 for him. "
The first hunter agrees and gives him the dog.
A few weeks later the first hunter calls the second hunter "Hey just wanter to see how things are goin with the dog."
The second huter says "You'l never believe it but I had to shoot him"
First hunter "why did you do that?"
The second hunter "well we went out last saturday, I sent him down to the pond. When he came back he freaked out. He started humping my leg like crazy and shaking a stick at me, so I shot him"
The first hunter "you idiot he was trying to tell you there were more f'n ducks down ther than you could shake a stick at."
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