TT and FNP, my thoughts are with you.

Been a lttle over three years since the Divorce was final and just under four since my Ex left. To top that off my best friend who remained with me died. Thought I was living a country song.

Here is what I did to get through it:

Well, hit the wrong key and she was off. Let me start again. Here is what I did:

1. I forced myself to stay active. I worked in the yard, fished, volunteered, etc. Being active and keeping up the positive parts of your life helps a lot with the depression.

2. Saw a counselor soon after the wife left. The counselor helped keep me on the right track.

3. Kept my emotions out of the Property Settlement. Its real tempting to do things out of anger, but that will only make it worse. In the end I got the things I wanted, bought the house back, but payed out a lot of money. As far as the money goes, I didn't dwell on it. I set a goal to earn back all that I payed out within three years. I exceeded that goal.

4. I forced myself not to dwell on the past but to look forward to the future.

5. I had good friends who gave solid advice and always reminded me that things woudld get better. They were right, it not only got better with time, but I am in better shape then I ever was.

6. I didn't date for a year. I used that time to get myself straight and on track.

The toughest part is splitting up everything and getting through the period until the divorce is final.

My best to both of you guys.

P.S.

I should have mentioned that my best friend who died was my Siberian Husky. I still miss him.

Sounds like lots of good advice and a release for the inner demons that haunt us all at times.Keep your rod tip up and your spirits are sure to follow.

It has benn 15 years this week for me and I am still single,and liking it.
Best thing that ever happened to me.
I can't begin to count all the fish,great trips,good friends that I have made sense being single.
The first year is hard.I just kept my head up and focused on work and fishing.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Good Luck

What is it about this time of year? This Doc has also been having issues with the warden. 20 years and it seems to never get better, Im hanging on by a thread.

It's gotta be the time of year... I'm actually goin through the exact same thing now, at least she let me keep my gear. I know that most of you don't know me at all, except for those VERY few I have met on the rivers, but I can say that all the pics and videos you all got on here help take the mind off of things, and a select few really good friends seem to help too. I guess this just proves, no matter what happens, it's happened to someone else before you. Oh well, I'll go back to being quiet now.

I almost never drink alone.... Brad Paisley is usually there to keep me company.

Laugh all you want guys, but ain't nothin' like a good country song to get a guy thru tough times.

Guys, sorry for what you are going through. They say time heals wounds but looking back I found the best remedy was good old fashioned truth. From my experience fishing or drinking won't make this problem go away. I had alot of buddies who did their level best to console me through the difficult process you are going through, but as it turned out only one true friend who gave it to me straight. We all have alot of buddies who sincerely wish us well but in times like this what we really need is that friend that is closer than a brother. One who knows us and will tell us the truth we are struggling to understand and just can't see on our own. I sure hope you guys can accept this quicker than I did because it was only then that peace, joy, purpose and priority was restored to my life.

The truth I needed to hear at the time was that my priorities were all screwed up and that I needed to grow up and be the husband and father God wanted me to be, not just the greatest fisherman I wanted to be. When I was finally able to get a hold of this truth and spent my time in the box, I found that behind my loss there was to be tremendous blessing. Today when I look at my wife, my kids and I get together with my ex, I thank the Lord for setting me straight. I may not get out fishing as often as I once did or as often as I would like but I can honestly say I enjoy it all the more. I know that day is there for each of you as well. Be well and be strong for the kids.

Psa 71

That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

Add me to the list of "Been there, done that". Tyee and FnP, hang in there guys. I relied on the three "F's" during my divorce. Friends, family and fishing. Not necessarily in the that order and sometimes all at once.

FishnMike

So what's the deal? Is there something in the air or what?? I am in the same position you are right now fishdoc. I have had a real rough last couple of months. And then last night wasn't one of the better ones in a while. The only thing we haven't done is made an appointmend with an attourney. Seems like there is a lot of good advice on here, but it is also good to know that you are not the only one going through a rough period in your life. Here's to us guys that are actually going through or getting ready to go through the big D!

Good luck to all
Buck

"ain't nothin' like a good country song to get a guy thru tough times."

That is so true!

There's no such thing as a "good" country song.

Right on Mooch! ...very well stated.

Guess I best chime in here...sadly, I likely have the most experience with divorce of anyone on the board.

Been married 4 times, been through three divorces. This wife I'm keeping....and she's keeping me.

The best cure for the emotional issues of divorce is TIME. It takes lots of TIME for the memories (bad ones) to fade out. Don't dwell on them..and if you find yourself dwelling on the fights, arguments and issues that you fought about then FIND SOMETHING TO DO that can take your mind off of it.

AVOID new relationships...cause until you have dealt with the issues from the previous marriage anything new hasn't got a chance of making it.

Drinking or drugs are no escape..at all. When you sober up the problems are still there, and you have gained -0-, NADA.

Unless you are near retirement age, remember that YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE MORE MONEY. This is not what an attorney will tell you, but you need to consider how much sh1t you will have to go through just to keep a few of the $ from the marriage...most of the time it ain't worth it. Within reason, I'm for just giving her the damn money and other crap she wants (you can ALWAYS buy more "stuff").

If there are kids involved, make sure you get very clear visitation, or custody, rights. STAY in your kids lives. Thisn will mean giving up a lot of fishing weekends to see them.....it is most important as someday that relationship you have with your kids will be far more important than anything else.

STUFF is just that....STUFF! You can always get more STUFF...so don't give yourself a coronary fighting with the future ex-biznatch over pennies and dimes...it is just not worth the stress.

PLAN for your future. Consider some things you would like to do, and DO THEM.

Tons more advice and thoughts on this...but believe me, there is life after divorce, and it can be a GOOD LIFE....

.........and it starts with you letting go of the past, and the anger/pain/angst/stress of the divorce. You don't like/love her anymore, and she doesn't like/love you anymore. What else is there to consider? It's over.

Mike

Lot's of good advice. Mike had lot's.
I didn't follow the "don't date for the first year" though and I'm glad I didn't. I did however know in my mind that none of the dates would stick whick helped.
Hang in there as is does get better. I also saw a shrink for a year and that helped a lot.

"Don't date for the first year"

There are two schools of thought about that. The one I've always followed after a divorce comes from the old idea that the best way to get over losing your dog is to get another dog.

On the other hand, if you grab the first dog that comes along, because you miss having a dog so bad, you probably aren't going to get as good a dog as you would if you take your time.

Tons of good advice...and all of it from the heart...
I've been there twice, and the one thing that helped me more than anything was getting out and doing what I loved. The only thing I might add would be take time off from relationships, don't get caught in any rebound situation, (does not necessarily mean don't date, just don't get serious for awhile). I took several years and when I was finaly comfortable with myself and living alone, doing what I enjoyed doing with my group of friends, everything else fell into place and I am happier now than I have ever been in my life!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes its just hard to see...But it is there

Remind me not to get divorced.

Parker,

Reminders are irrelevant. More important is understanding that life is uncertain. Accepting that and adapting to changing situations are the attributes that get one through life.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.