This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing!!, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you [censored] kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull [censored]. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Happy St paddies day


Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Oh, me boyos, someone’s got to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be then?”
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead!”, says Murphy’s wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says Gallagher.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, ‘Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.’ ‘Oh yeah?’ said Charlie, ‘And how did this one end?’
‘When it was over,’ Mike replied, ‘She came to me on her hands and knees.
‘Really,’ said Charles, ‘Now that’s a switch! What did she say?’
She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.
”What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
”Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
”That little O’Conner,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
”That he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
”Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
That I did,” said Paddy, “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.”

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’
‘Just water,’ says the priest.
The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’
The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk, “for a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Gallagher. ‘They say I died!!’
‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Finney. ‘Where are ye callin’ from?’

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
”Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.
”Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
”That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.”
”Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”
”I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
”It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned.”
”Oh my dear Jaysus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?”
”Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”

Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, ‘Okay, pedestrians.’ Then he’d allow the traffic to pass.
He’d done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, ‘Pedestrians!’ for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, ‘Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?’

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.
He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”
She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”
The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”
She says, “That he did, Father.”
The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”
” She says, “He said, ‘Please Mary, for the love of god, put down that damn gun…’ “

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
The man said, ‘I do, Father.’
The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’
Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ was the man’s reply.
‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’
The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, ‘Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!’
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, ‘Never mind, I found one.’

An elderly Texas cowhand went to the drugstore for some Viagra.
The pharmacist asked, "How many?"
The cowboy replied, "Oh, just a few. Maybe a half dozen. I cut them into quarters."
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That much won't get you through sex."
The old cowboy said, "I'm past eighty. I don't think about sex too much. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my new boots."

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."



LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)

Little RALPH Y returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies RALPHY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the f...... difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"



LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class . Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful."

Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."


LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"


LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY........

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time? "Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business.

A man that was not so virtuous dies and finds himself at the gates of Hell. He’s terrified as Satan opens the gates. But Satan is really friendly and tells the guy “don’t worry, we’re all about indulgence here, you’re gonna love this place.” As the man walks through the gates he sees an endless line of doors before him, and in the distance a gray haze. He asks Satan what’s going on and Satan says “let’s see what’s behind door number one.” Inside it is summer vacation land. People are swimming, boating, etc. The guy says “wow, this is great.” Satan says, “We’re all about fun and indulgence here, you haven’t seen anything yet. Let’s check door number two.

As they walk to the next door, the guy notices the haze in the distance is smoke rising from the ground and he asks Satan what it is. Satan says, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing. Look at this place!” Inside, it is winter wonder land. The man sees Sol and Addicted snowboarding down one of the slopes, the lodge is full of snow bunnies, and the powder is perfect. The man exclaims “This is awesome Satan!” Satan says, “We’re all about fun and indulgence here. Let’s check door number three.”

As they walk to door number three they get closer to the smoke and now the guy sees flames coming out of the ground also, as well as hearing noises. “What is going on down there Satan?” “It’s nothing, really” Says Satan. “Check this out.” Inside is Vegas land with gambling, booze, showgirls, etc. The man really likes this too, but Satan says they have a lot of doors to check, lots to indulge in, so they set out for door number four.

As they walk the guy hears screaming and wailing coming from what now is obviously a large pit in the distance, with the flames and smoke. He bolts from Satan and runs to the edge of the pit. Horrified, he looks down and sees people being burned and tortured by demons, animals ripping people apart, others are being impaled with spears, and he falls to his knees and cries out “oh God, please save me!” Just then, Satan catches up to him and puts his arm around the man’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, this isn’t for you – the Catholics insisted on it.”

This photo was taken by an FAA Agent operating under deep cover at the Boeing Renton factory. Due to upcoming IAM Union negotiations, FAA fears are being realized.


It has become apparent there is some serious sabotage going on that has resulted in strategic placement of tiny window cracks in aircraft in the final assembly stage. This photo has sparked a huge investigation.



These cracks can expand and blow apart under pressure like that experienced at 30,000 feet.




If you fly on a regular basis, this photo will give you chills. Be warned, it will be hard to shake..........................

one man point demerit for mingo..


uhg.

Bat Cave.

Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made and a gun was sent to the American engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers watched in shock as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin. The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the film of the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one line memo:




























"Defrost the chicken"

I just found out the word "Vegetarian" is an old Indian word it means...
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BAD HUNTER

40 Things Ya’ll Never Hear a Redneck Say


40. Oh, I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.

39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won’t fix that.

37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can’t feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

30. Wrestling’s fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We’re vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I’ll have the Arugula and Radicchio salad.

15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

5. I don’t have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. You ALL.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin’ tonight

WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD, BECAUSE...
He said...

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with

I knew it was going to happen, but we just didn't know when. Here it is! Men's answer to Maxine. Meet ------- MAX

Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'&a mp;nb sp;
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
---------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

I SAW A BILLBOARD SIGN THAT SAID:


NEED HELP? CALL JESUS

1-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.



PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new arg ument.

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Prescott, Az.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too,

Joe was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick His
wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, Joe came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school,
nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said
Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.'

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off
his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We
really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said Joe. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my
parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty
jokes, nor did I misbehave.'

The robot walked around to Joe and delivered a roundhouse right that not only
knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the
patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After
all, he is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the sh*t
out of her, not once, but three times.

A True Southerner Knows:
What general direction cattywumpus is. That “gimme sugar” don’t mean pass the sugar. That “He needed killin” is a valid defense. The differences between a redneck, a good o’l boy and trailer trash. When somebody’s “fixin” to do something, it won’t be long. That a good dog is worth its weight in gold. The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit. The difference between “pert near” and “a right far piece.” How long “directly” is, what “Well I Suwanne!! means.

On Moving To The South:
Don’t worry at not understanding what people are saying, they can’t understand you either. Get used to hearing, “You aint from ‘round here, are ya?” The first Southern statement to creep into your vocabulary will be “big ‘ol as in “big ol truck or big ol boy. If you do settle in the south and have children, don’t expect that they will be accepted as southerners, afterall if a cat had kittens in an oven they wouldn’t call them bisquits.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes, the South has ‘mater samiches
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has double last names, the South has double first names.
The North has Indy races, the South has stock car races.
The North has salads, the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, the South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.

It is NOT a shopping cart it is a buggy.
“Fixinto” is one word, (I’m fixinto go to the store)
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals
“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
Don’t be surprised to find that many 10 –year-old own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

Remember, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s” is plural possessive. Southerners say”Ought!”, this is short for “Y’all ought not do that!” and is the equivalent of saying “No!”

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember most folk learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position. A true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway – you just say, “Bless her heart” and go your way.

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’”, you know you are in the presence of a genuine southerner.