Hank, getthefuckoffourthread!
Hah! This is America dammit and you and 10 more just like ya can't stop me from posting here.
I've said that there is HOPE the Fawks can pull this one off and now, for your enlightenment, I'm offering
Hank's Keys To The Game.
1. A lot depends on how Hasselsux performs. Will he be the same Hass that passed for 300+ yds in the dome or will he revert to the Fumblebeck form he displayed in the games after that one. You have to admit he's been pretty damn sucky of late and he's going to need to be on his game. By some miracle the Faints didn't sack him last time out and the O-line will need to continue that trend. If the Faints get to him he's gonna crumble like a Saltine and Clipboard will come in and throw the dink-n-dunk he telegraphs so well. That won't cut it. Keep Hass as safe as a bear cub next to it's mother.
2. Without a doubt, the most effective receiver on the Fawks team is Williams. You know that..the Faints know that. They'll try to keep him bottled up and that's where Stokley comes in. That guy's money and he'll be crucial on 3rd downs to keep the chains moving. Use the Democratic voting strategery and get him the ball early and often.
3. With a Faints LB involved in pass coverage on Williams, that could open up the opportunity for Lynch/Forsett to rip off some long-gainers. The Fawks need to be able to run to keep the Faints D honest.
4. Field position will be crucial and Leon will need to have great kick-off returns after the Faints score. Punt returns won't be a factor because the Faints won't need to do that very often.
5. The Fawks need to be better when they get in the Red Zone. Last time out they were there a lot and settled for the FG's. As any fool knows, you can't trade FG's for TD's and expect to win a game. Keep Mare on the bench and his tootsies warm except for extra points and the possible game-winner in O.T.
6. Get to Breesy and I can't emphasize that enough. He has a quick release; he's accurate with his throws and he can flat-out ruin your day. If he gets thrown on his keister often enough he'll start hearing footsteps and maybe throw a couple to Tatupu. He threw a couple of picks last time that didn't seem to help the Fawks, but what the hell...make his life miserable anyway.
7. Ivory and Thomas are out and you're probably thinkin' "game over". Not so fast sweet cheeks. Reggie Bush isn't a snail and in the last game against the Bucs he had 9 carries for 70 yds. Had some receptions for 55 too. Don't think for a nano-second that Jones wouldn't like to have a big game against you either. Stop the run!
8. Keep the game close. Your one advantage is the 12th man and you can't afford having those drunken idiots sitting on their hands and imagining what the hottie next to them would look like if she wasn't wearing Grundens.
So there ya have it. If the Fawks follow this advice to the letter, they can head to the locker room happier than Angelina Jolie's bicycle seat. Somebody with connections should get this to the Fawks and share it with Petey.
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