Happy Anniversary DBA...

I've been married for 21 1/2 years and mutually agreed to live in seperate rooms and go seek others because we were not happy. This came to a head about 1 1/2 ago but we've been back together for 6 months.

If she doesn't like to fish don't expect her to go. My wife hates fishing because her dad made her go. I didn't fish when we dated until her dad got me into it. She likes to get shellfish, clams, razors, shrimp, crab.

Kids are trying on the relationship. Our problem is that I wasn't on the same page with my wife on discipline for the kids. I fathered a boy when I was 18 that was put up for adoption. He looked me up a couple of years ago and that has been positive for our relationship. The grandaughters are a blessing and we are both involved when we can. I was straight up about it before marriage and we used it as a lesson learned for my other two. My two teenagers are doing better but they've put us through their share. 19 YO moved out but the 20 YO is still at home. As the birds fly the nest we've had more time to ourselves.

Does your wife have friends? It helps if your wife has gal pals and doesn't rely on you for everything. We've become more social and it helps.

Don't spend too much time on this board. Yeah I'm like you as I do alot around the house, including kitchen chores, but she does dinner, bills, computers, fixes things, and cleans.

I think you need to start by having the open discussion of where you are and what you want. Things in the bedroom will probably be the last thing in her priorities if she's like my wife. Work on the other stuff first. Maybe Stam can hook you up at the Enumclaw sex farm in the meantime. I'm still hoping for female Viagra. Like Parker said be romantic even if you have to force yourself. That's real difficult for me and I need to keep that up. My wife has roller-coastered on the weight and that has something to do with her self esteem. My wife has been on the treadmill every day for the past 3 weeks. Now she's going to Zumba with her friends.

It's hard. Some people do better apart and some people are better together. It's hard to keep up the househole even with two incomes. I don't want to say how much we make but she has more earnings potential. We took a short trip to the ocean a few months ago, saw her best friend, and I didn't even fish even though I did check out the river. Going back to fish next week and again in late June by myself. She is going camping with her gal friends in Chelan in August.

You're right in that he will learn a lot in a short amount of time, but most wives just won't put up with bringing another woman into bed, even if it's a kingsize bed. But she will definitely get the hint that he needs more sex.

Salmo...I think he's speaking, like Aunty was, of beating off...

RvW - hey, I was just trying to think more creatively. His wife most likely already knows about him having relations with Minny and her 4 sisters.

I'm just a rookie here, married for 5 years but been living together for 10. All I can really tell you a is bunch of stuff not to do (but I'm sure you have done them already.) All I really do know is that from a bunch of people I know, worked with, met at a bar, met at a fishing hole near you, etc, etc, etc etc................... an ex-wife is a pain in the fuuukkkkiiiinnnnggg aaaaaasszsssssss. My wife and I kind of made a pact to not be like our parents, divorced, and be more like our grandparents, together till death. Chores suck, so what. If you want this thing to work, you got to work (duh). Get yer [Bleeeeep!] together and go think about this on the river or the lake. The water will let yo know what to do but if it tells you to put your head under the water until you stop breathing (don't do that.)

TFF.

Thinking out of "the box". I like it...

Thanks for the words of wisdom BWP.

You know who we are missing in on this conversation?

Sol.

He'd lay down the smack dab, no-[Bleeeeep!] response that would not only be 100% correct, but it would have been god-damn funny as hell, too.

The Parrot Chronicles......

I was thinking the same thing.....Dr Wallis.

this fits... the Johnson version wouldnt be understood... especially from 1936.....

listen to the song... and let your wife listen to it ...

basically stop thinking about yourself, and think about her for a minute, simple....

Hey BWP......while you're busy chasing whatever it is that you are chasing....money, recognition, self esteem, whatever.......you're likely to come out of your fukd up fog and find everyone else gone.

Sounds like you are SERIOUSLY misdirected in your priorities.

Might choose to ask yourself just wtf are you bringing to the table. (Hint: if it is primarily money......you lose)

Just a concerned citizen

I'm trying to figure this post out........... dude, cartoons? watch Gangland or something, that should cheer you up.....

I don't understand how divorce lawyers make a living.
We have so many diy marriage counselers about that divorce
should never happen. Wellll maybe if you try to trade her in on two
20s too often.

Respect is everything, gotta give it to get it.

No Chit! While I'd never met him in the flesh I thought about SOL after reading the OPs' first post. I'm not sure though if the advice he'd have given Saundu would have been of benefit to reconciling his relationship but it would of been phvcking hilarious and undoubtably spot on.

The Parrot Chronicles.

Hey, thanks for all of the responses...geez there were a lot. But it is a popular topic (marriage and level of satisfaction). As of today I am still married and need not continue to throw my wife under the bus without her being able to defend herself.
As you all know I am a regular on this site and marital status in the coming months or years can be determined then.

Thanks for all of the serious responses and I will continue to sift through them and re read them.

I like the idea of "fighting for my marriage"..so at this time that is what I plan to do.

This is another reason why I love this site. Thanks

There aren't a lot of things you can't talk your way through. People get in trouble when they clam up and resent in silence.

Best of luck..........

Very true Dan.

Also..regarding outdoor sex....maybe ease her into it.

Perhaps open the kitchen window and let her get a wiff of fresh air whilst driving the point of your love home. (mixed with olive oil and garlic...a sexual brushchetta if you please)

I'd stay away from Ahi tartare (and regardless of DanS' good advice, the clam too, not her clam but again I digress) before hand so as to not confuse the senses.

I wish you the best of luck. Mostly because your effort now will be a testament to your daughter about true love. It's not always easy but it's worth it.

Very Good News, BWP!!

I didn't get the impression you were "throwing her under the bus" or that you were unnecessarily harsh. I am sure she would have negative comments also if we were her audience. I admire your loyalty though and applaud your choice to fight- it is never too late to try and the potential rewards are huge.



Aunty thinks we are a bunch of predisposed sexists when actually the majority of the advice offered was exactly opposite.



As for your quote- I couldn't have said it better myself; PP rocks.


Good luck to you Sandu.