Poohouse Scriptures - Warning ADULT humor

Hey everybody, let's have another fun thread! I don't know about you all, but I'm having a craving to hear about some comical 'writings', jokes, or any other humorous tidbits (even longer masterpieces) that you have have found on the walls of porta-potties, outhouses, restaurant bathroom stall walls, etc over the years.

I'll start things off with the shortened version of one of my favorite outhouse poems (can't remember the longer version off the top of my head).

"Here I sit, broken hearted
Came to [Bleeeeep!], but only farted
Never try to take a chance
Because someday you'll [Bleeeeep!] your pants"

Now let's hear some of yours!

We aim to please, you aim too please!

Please do not throw toothpicks into the urinals. Forks crabs can pole vault.

People who write on bathroom walls, roll their [Bleeeeep!] in little balls. Those who read these lines of wit, eat these little balls of...

"Meat" me here for manly love.

Dylsexics untie

I saw this in a Tillamook sh!tter recently:

"I'm very lonely. I long for the strong touch of a very masculine man. Come. Come now. Come caress my milk white loins you savage man of my dreams. - Call Stew at 503-***-****" Yikes! I hope it was a different Stew!

Here I sit
My buns a flexin'
just gave birth
to another texan :p

I read this one a the local McDonalds in Cedar Mill.
"There once was was a guy named RT
whom it was said had to squat to go pee.
Because of his large gut and equally big butt.
He had to wear pads on his knee" :p

Davies Hall, CWU: If your hose is short, and your pressure is weak, please stand up close, this ain't cleanup week.

Lind Hall, CWU (math, physics, and geology building): E=mc2. Very nice Albert, but next time, please show your work.

HorseShoe Tavern, Ellensburg: There once was a man from Nantucket.......nevermind.

Call: Here I sit, broken hearted, paid a dime, and only f@rted.

Response: Quitcher b!tchen, you had your chance, I saved the dime, and sh!t my pants.

LMAO at all the posts! RT and Stew--funny stuff. So how did you enjoy that site I give ya guys?

Keep 'em comin'!

Great posts! Great topic.
Gawd....anything to change the subject from Vision hooks!


"Never raise your hand to your child. It leaves your groin unprotected."

diana

There once was a man from nantucket
who had such a dick he could suck it
he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
if my ear was a [Bleeeeep!] i would f**k it.

My sporting days are over,
My little light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
It used to be embarrassing,
To make the thing behave.
For every morning it stood up,
To watch me while I shaved.
But now I'm growing older,
It sure gives me the blues.
To have the thing hang down my leg,
To watch me shine my shoes.

Probably in an outhouse in Oregon somewhere.

fp

This goes back to jr high. Well here it goes.
When your hot, your hot. When your not, your not. But when your sitting on the pot give it all ya got. J.C.B

This was on the wall of a barracks (spelling?) latrine at Ft. Benning a long time ago.

This is a place to void your guts,
not a place to bust a nut,
so keep it clean,
and keep it neat,
and go back home to beat your meat.

Good stuff. But geez 'Slayer, I think your's may have pushed the edit envelope? Soon find out, ay?

Hey KB, I'll tell ya how that dang nasty site you sent went like. ... Well, I accessed it and every time I clicked on one of those lushious tease pictures it kept sending me to all sorts of other sites and tease pics! Geez, after finally having enough of it I couldn't get rid of them. I wound up clicking them off about the same speed as new ones came up. This went on for awhile until I heard my wife walking down the stairs. I started clicking faster than a hungry dog can eat kibbles. I was just about ready to push the off buttom on my 'puter, but she walks past into the kitchen. Whew! As she starts doing stuff in there she yells to the den, 'what are you up to tonight on there'? I said I was researching a site for a young fisher from the P.P. BB. I just got the last of the X-rated links clicked off as she came in to say goodnight. I replied, yes it will be. And followed her upstairs; with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head - t'was the night before X-mas. ... Great 4 play! For guys anyway.

RT,
If you want to know where some good sites are of that nature that don't have all those pop ups, shoot me an e-mail, I have a whole list of freebie sites with no or very little pop ups.

Above a urinal "Why are you looking up here? The joke is in you're hand!"

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like bannanas.

No need to sit on the seat.
Portland CRAB'S jump six feet!!!!!!.Good luck,
STRIKE ZONE

Crapper at Colonial Park on the Root River:

1. I'm not sschizophrenic. You only think we are

2. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

For Hey Yall:

On special occasions
when you shve under yore arms
Well, Im in hawg heaven
and awed by yore charms

You have some'a yore teeth
for which i am proud
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd

This is one of my favorites. You will have to write it down

Square root of 4b squared

Buy you a beer if you get this one!

Gutz Is that something from Shakespeare? No ..It can't be that obvious.

Bigdog out.....

Few get that one Bigdog!
I have written it on the wall at the Downtown B'vue Mustard Seed and gotten 15 wrong or rambling answers.
What'll you be drinking? I am easy to spot. I will be the drunk guy at the Bar.

LAMO, You guys are killin me!!!!!!!!

Tyler

"Here I sit getting wiser giving birth to a supervisor" Job site porta potty from my construction days.

"You wouldn't be so ashamed if you were holding a good bear" Sign above the Urinal at Portland Brewing in NW Portland.

For some reason I carried this one with me from childhood:

There once was a sailor named Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave,
She was missing a [Bleeeeep!]
And she smelled like [Bleeeeep!]
But think of the money Dave saved!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day,
Teach a man to fish and he will spend the rest of his life drinking beer in a boat.

Gutz, is it as obvious as it appears to be? If you actually read the thing, I mean....

A good nursery Ryhme

It was a dark night at 12 o'clock an around the corner a [Bleeeeep!] wagon flew a shot was fired a screem was heard a cop was killed by a turd.

Also a quote that I most admire.
God didnt put me on this earth to live for a long time but I can have a good time.

Luke;
Put it on a wall somewhere. It will confuse the hell out of them. Most won't even recognize it as a question or something that needs a solution.

Scrawled inside my old locker at UW:

"Better rested - better rested"

From the limmerick catalog:

"There once was a girl named Jill.
Dynamite gave her a thrill.
They found her vagina in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil."

Gutz, 2x4?

From my childhood as an Army brat either taunting with or being taunted by.

Yo Mama, yo Papa, yo greazy Granny got a hole in the panties...got a hairy chest like Jerry West...got a big butt like King Tut...and goes beep beep beep down Sesame Street.

And on the Stew and Rt front, a set of twins were interviewed prior to halting simultanious oral sex on the both of them...when asked why they cut the task short they both replied in unison " I smelled asshole" :p

FJ...out.

In a far way out lonesome town their lived a girl named Molly Brown.
She swore no boy could [Bleeeeep!] her down!!

When over the hill came Piss Ball Pete,
with forty pounds of swinging meat.

Pete threw Molly gently on the grass,
and shoved his pec**er up her a**!

But Molly let out a mighty fart,
and blew Pete's pecker all apart.

Back of er the hill went Piss Ball Pete,
with thirty pounds of shredded meat.

:p

Absolutely lovin' 'em! Funny funny!

Here's a few more...all found on sh*tter walls across the US...

"Some come here to sit and think,
Others come here to [Bleeeeep!] and stink.
I come here to scratch my b*lls
and read the writing on the walls."

"I f*cked your mother last night!"
{and right below it in different handwriting:}
"Go home dad, you're drunk."

"This is where Napoleon pulled his Bonaparte."

"Anybody can p*ss on the floor.
Be a hero and [Bleeeeep!] on the ceiling."

"I've [Bleeeeep!] in England
I've [Bleeeeep!] in France
But before I [Bleeeeep!] here
I'll [Bleeeeep!] in my pants"

And not really related to the topic, but here's a pretty funny story I just found on the net.

http://www.securenet.net/3rdbn5th/india35/burning_****ters.htm

Oh yeah, since the link is automatically censored and it wont go through with a link title either, you have to replace the "****" with the word that's spelled with the letters s, h, i, and well you know the rest.



Any others?

I saw this recently in a bathroom at Intercontinental airport in Houston TX, above the long row of urinals. "So this is where all of the dicks hang out."

I always enjoyed this one " While your reading this you are peeing on your shoe"

The square root of a square is the number so 4b

Told ya Skywalker

Saw a license plate frame on a Saturn that read...
"This Saturn is ahead of Uranus"

FJ...out.

From my college days!

Mag you hag,you sleazy slimy slut
Between your legs green fungus lies
And maggots crawl up your bu*t
Before I scale those scabby thighs
And lick those festered ti*s
I'll drink a gallon of buzzard pi*s
And die of the jizzling sh*ts.

Seen at The Log Cabin Pub in Spences Bridge. (Thompson River)

"Kingfishers Blow Dead Bears!"

This is off the path here but here ya go:
Two guys out fishing one guy asks his buddy how he catches all the fish when they go fishing, He says to his partner first thing I do when I wake up on a fishing day is look to see what side muy wife is laying on, if she is laying on her left side I fish of the left side of the boat, if she is laying on her right side I fish off the right side of the boat. The first guy asks so what if she is laying on her back, he replies I stay home.

This came from a portapotty in Port Angeles above a urinal:

"The sink is too low and the soap doesn't work."

I still don't get the 4b thing .

~ Dr Pepper

Cowlitz river bathroom
Here I sit all broken hearted Try to sh&t but only farted, then one day I took a chance tryed to fart and sh&t my pant.
Man that boys shaken like a dog sh%tin razor blades.

Two b OR NOT two b
2B-2B

From the crapper at the truckstop in Biggs, Ore.

Here I sit in all this vapor, took a crap and found no paper, I wonder how long I'll sit and linger before I have to use my finger?

flush twice, it`s a long way to my office, the plant manager.

From a resteraunt bathroom near where we duck hunt:

Here I sit on the pooper, giving birth to a Washington State Trooper......

4SALT- that deal about Brazil got huge reviews at work this week... told it once and heard it 6 times:)

From the wall in a crapper at NATTC Millington Tenesee,
"THOSE WITH SHORT STACKS, AND/OR LOW MANIFOLD PRESSURE, TAXI UP CLOSE".
This was over 20 years ago.
GRUMPY

I copied this one of an Olympia crapper wall:

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman pulls the boy's pants down, carefully takes hold of his testicles, and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands
the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her profusely, saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," she says, "Divorce attorney."
---------------

That guy must of had a necessary long sit and/or gone thru a nasty divorce, ay?

Great way to end this thread RT.

That is one hell of a long novel to be written on the wall of a bathroom! Geez.

Oh and thanks to all the rest of ya for your 'contributions' to this thread. Got many a laugh out of them.