Fishing Forum Story

Ok Board Members, let you imagination run here.
Starting off a fishing story. Each Member post a sentence or two with how you think the next part of the story should go. We will see where it goes. Be creative!

I was getting off work Friday afternoon. It was Payday. Before I got home, My wife called me on the cell phone and said " Hunney, I am already on the way to Grandma's with the kids. Why dont you take the weekend off from the hunney-do list and go fishing. We will be back By Monday Night"

...seeessssh no one's responded yet? This could get interesting and ugly.

"I jumped for joy. Upon hearing the good news of my freedom, I decided I'd head to the bank and grab some cash. If I was going to enjoy myself, might as well go full throttle. So I asked the teller for all ones. Next stop- that girlie establishment in Gorst... Upon entering, I noticed the gals were uglier than December Chum... Shagged out real quick! Headed home to...

(This could be fun.....)
Downriggin'

see if my side action was available, score after getting a quicky and getting her to pack my bags for me I then call my fishing partner and told him to pack this stuff we where heading off to........

the river. Yes, that river. Remembering the combat fishing we endured last time, I grabbed the brass knuckles off the dresser, and checked the clip of my trusty HK .40.

It was empty from our last free weekend. So I reloaded and we headed to our super secret hot spot on that river. As we pulled up we noticed a truck and then 2 slack jawed yocals tossing a chunk of lead and a big trebble. We knew what we had to do......

We figured we would show them how it feels. So we took some 21/0 trebles and attached them to some two pound cannon balls and some rope. It only took one good swing to get the both of the crackers all tied up. As we started pulling them towards..........

The local gamewarden, who just happened to pull up. The warden was a hot fox. She mentioned she had three pairs of handcuffs, two for the snaggers and one for...........

Me and the back of her service truck. I must have had the "freshly F**ked" scent on from the earlier engagement with my backup girlfriend back at the pad. My Fishing Buddy Watched the crackers as we tested the suspension in her truck for 20 minutes or so, then we.....

Good job so far guys... This is hilarious!

headed back to my buddy. She asked him, "Are you a fly guy or a Halibut guy?" "I like fly fisherman because they have such long rods." "On the other hand, I enjoy a Halibut guy too." He would just have to show her the truth...

SO while he got seconds, I got an idea. Snaggers frequently gut a fish for their eggs and leave the whole body on the bank. I went over to the rig and grabbed my buck knife, walked over to the wrapped-up bleeding snaggers, and cut their nuts off. Hung em from the Trailer Hitch and let them waddle off. That'll teach them a lesson, I said to myself. My buddy hopped out of the back of the Wardens truck, she drove off, and it was time to start fishing.....

Not sure if it was luck or the fresh smell on our hands but the fishing was awesome. After our fifth double of the day I was tapped on the shoulder and turned to see........

I reached into my pocket, searching for my bottle of secret stinkum juice - the one that repels natives, but draws in the brightest hatchery fish. What I found was not my bottle, but a big, fat, brown and yellow bananna. I knew right way it was the warden. That crafty woman had swiped my juice, leaving me with a cursed banana...

I grabbed that banana out of my pocket and was ready to toss it into the bushes, when I saw an indian gill netter's boat in the distance. I walked over to the boat and slid it underneath the floor boards, as well as quickly relieved myself on the nets. I then...

felt the tap on my back again and turned to look and no one was there, I then started to hear a voice say.......

hey baby, wanna get lucky? I thought it was going to be that hot game warden. Instead, it was...

a Ned Beatty look-a-like. Man that scene in Deliverance ran through my mind like a bad acid trip. I just had to....

Downriggin'

turn cheek and get the hell out of that fishin hole. We needed to get upriver to a place where we could fish and camp for the night. I went upstream to find my buddy and tell him about the weirdo, Just as I rounded the bend I saw him....

It was that guy from Ore-gun with an inflatable sheep and he had on knee pads...He was a huffin and puffin to get his sweetie up to full size.

when all of a sudden a few local crackers come down and start fishing right in front of him. One of them with his big snagging set up hooks the sheep and puts a big hole in it and ...

that inflated sheep took like a fartin' rocket and sailed to the other side of the river. The sheep's would be lover was lookin' kinda sheepish at that point. With a sheep f#cker in front of me and snaggers in the fishin' hole I wasn't sure what hail to do next. I ....

hauled azz out of there and headed back down stream. About a mile down I saw some fish entrails on the bank. GutZ, I thought to myself. He's been here. What else could possibly go wrong? Then I heard it, that unmistakable honk...the feathered one... Oh [Bleeeeep!]!

Sure enough, I looked closer at the pile of fishguts, and there were eggs. Not your standard eggs mind you, but those of the reddest red, of perfect firmness. I picked up a small sample and put them to my lips....MSG, vanilla, yes these were GOOOSE eggs! Then, when I thought that nothing else could possibly go wrong, there lurking in the brush was none other than...........

BOB! Our Webmaster. He put his finger up next to his lips with the Shhh sign and pointed downstream. Low and behold, in the low clear water, he spotted a nice school of Salmon holding just off the deep side of a gravel bar. He pulled out a purple and red jig, you could tell it was one of his homemade specials, and.....

Osprey quickly darted in front of "The Really Big One" and with one of his super secret silent approach jigs, cast in front of the school, and...

A drunken Beaver coed stepped out of the willows..

C'Mon, lets keep this a Fishing story.

....Osprey's Jig floated down through the school. You could see one or two salmon slightly rise then fall, enticed by the jig but not enough to strike... but at the tail end of the drift, a 30-40lb buck darts out of the crowd and Osprey's float dissappeared like under the water with a loud gurgle....

coming from his stomach but he didn't care if he was hungry, he set the hook and the fight was on! T he big buck started upstream then suddenly did a 180.....

The fish hit so hard that it caused him to accidentally swallow the uneaten portion of the hot dog he had in his mouth, lodging in his windpipe. The pole was bent like tall grass in a tornado, and you could hear the whine of his spool. Even though he couldn't breathe, he continued to fight the monster salmon, turning bluer with every passing second. Bob saw his dilemma and......

knew he needed to find something to push the hot dog down. He looked all around and couldn't find anything but branches. But that would tear his throat up, Bob knew of one thing he could use that was soft enough not to hurt the man but would it be long enough?............

"Ah shucks Bob, thanks for helping me, but the fish was more important."

The fish??? Bob had forgotten about the fish. In his haste to insert his soft squid into Os' mouth, he'd knocked the rod out of Os' hand!

They scanned the bank in search of the rod ... only to see a rooster tail from the big buck's broomtail going through the riffle at the bottom of the hole. To their horror, the rod merrily skipped along the surface behind ...

an old log halfway submerged in the water. Then just as suddenly as the fish hit the jig, it stopped. Since there was no pressure on the line , the tired fish must have thought he had escaped. The rod handle sat in the eddy motionless. Bob and Os looked at each other in total amazement. Os asked "what do we do now?" Bob replied......

started running on the beach until he was up to speed to enter the water and continue chasing the fish while running on the surface down river while retrieving his line and gaining on that big trophy......

"I don't know. But I have an idea!" Bob whipped out his trusty satellite phone and called ...

up the Piscatorial Pursuits message board. Then he did the unthinkable... He posted the name of the river and where the fish were. Almost instantly, as if out of thin air, 3 toothless wonders were on the bank with their 6/0 trebles and lead. You could hear them mention something about the post they saw on the message board. One of them cast his line over the place where Os' pole was partially floating. The snagger felt a bump and yanked his pole. It was The handle of Os' pole coming out of the water on his snagging gear.
"Well looky here!" the snagger said, "Looks like I gots me a nice new pole."
Bob then quickly ran over to the snagger and pulled out his fake game warden badge. POOF! The snaggers were gone. O's pole was on the bank now. He came over, picked it up, and gave a little tug on the line.......

....and didn't feel anything. The buck made good use of the slack line and spit the hook.
As O fiddled with his rod Bob looked over at him and with a smile on his face said- remember that time when.....

I forgot my waders and had to borrow yours. Man, we caught some fish that day - remember, it was non-stop all day. We also split a big thermos of coffee on the way to the river. Well, I know that I told you that your waders had sprung a leak, but they didn't...I just didn't want to stop fishing to go take a whiz. Sorry about that...

...the good news is that is that if your waders are like mine the smell would certainly improve after the little 'accident', this diversion was just the sort of diversion they needed. As they looked back towards the water they saw...

a heard of elk running straight at them. They both looked at each other and thought..... <img border="0" alt="[wall]" title="" src="graemlins/wall.gif" />

FRESH MEAT! Pull out that 40 cal and cap one!
So they did, only they didn't plan on the cow dying in the middle of the river. They swan out to her to pull it back on the bank and...

...But the current was way too much. Climbing onto the back of the cow, I surfed her downriver. As we came around the bend there was a nasty logjam dead ahead...

There was nothing they could do. As night came they cut a chunk off the exposed portion of the ass and made it back to there truck.
They built a fire and set up camp. They sat back and relaxed trying to stay warm and O brought out the hard jar. Bob took a swig and asked what should be the plan for tomorrow?
O took a shot and said they should try to be the first ones in super secret hot spot #2. Bob agreed and took another swig. Just then.........

..he hears some fish surfacing in the river. In the moonlight, they spotted a few Salmon holding right on the surface in a little eddy. The lucky guy who's wife left for the weekend and his fishin buddy piped up and stated they had some glo fly's that supposedly worked really well on Salmon at night, but noone had EVER tried them. They grabbed their 9wts and tied up....

the guy who got lucky still with the smell on his person was first to cast right above the holding school of fish, not but a second later all you could hear was....

....the thunderous roar of Os's butt cheeks slapping together. Apparently the hot dog he ate earlier that day didn't agree with him. Everyone was laughing pretty good when all of a sudden...

everyone focused back on the river. Holding back laughs thinking about how farts and fishing trips go together like peanut butter and jelly, they watched they guy execute a perfect figure S cast with the glo fly. The fly was whipping through the night sky creating some great tracers, then gently hit the water.....

as everyone was tring to shake there tracers the flashbacks started happening. Just what we needed! Then the next thing seen was like something straight out af bass masters top water fishing. As fly just started to drift a very large mouth came up in the night sky light and....

...and slammed the bug in a shower of phospherescent sparks. The fish took off leaving a ghostly trail behind. At the same time there was a ...

rustling in the bushes. Oh my! Snaggers, sheep lovers, angry hornets??? No it's Fishgal coming to track down Bob. She stepped out onto the bar and ...

said, "Hey, sailor, is that a K-16 in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me...? Then she cozied up to Bob, real nice-like, bent over close to his ear and whispered,

Wake up, honey. You have clients today....Bob grogily got out of bed shaking his head at the really weird dream thinking to himself that he really shouldn't have eaten that...

...mushroom...

bag of delicious mushrooms he'd picked while walking through the cowfields on the skok. they were a bit slimy but the flavor was unbeatable. so he headed out the door....

(i was a minute late)

and puked because one his least favorite things to eat on this whole planet are mushrooms. Bob then realized that this part of the story is actually the dream because he never would have eaten mushrooms in the first place.

Anyhow, Bob, Os, Fishgal, and our original lucky angler are all back on the bank and ...

... notice that foxy game warden gal again.

Downriggin'

She walks slowy towards them carrying a satelite dish and an old kitchen chair, then...

said, "Do you like to watch?" Then, out of the sky, a particle emissions tazar beam split the atmosphere with an ear rending shriek, vaporizing Bob, Fishgal, and a considerable portion of real estate nearbye, leaving the entire Hoh river watershed a seething ocean of molten rock.

Luckily, the beam spared the Lucky Fisherman, his fishing buddy, and the Foxy Warden. The heat of the beam did not evaporate too much of the already low river either. They looked at the river closely, and noticed that all of the fish in the river had been starngely affected by this phenomenon. They all looked to each other and shrugged. "Bow your heads for Bob and Fisshgal, they were people of the best caliber, they loved and fought for this river."

They decided that the super secret hot spot hat become "too hot" with all the molten rock. They decided to pack up and head for another fishing spot.

As they packed up the rig, The Fox spotted Bob's mangy piscatorial cap that he never takes off lying by the river. "Maybe they weren't vaporized, maybe they were transported to a different time and place?

They drove off....

As they drove along, they noticed that all colors were tinged a bit purple. Our hero asked, "Doesn't that bit of color indicate weakness in the space time fabric? Maybe we could align the matter-antimatter converter with the frame and level wind of my Abu 6601, bridge it with a couple of Vision hooks soldered crosswise, and open a time portal to just before Bob bit the big one."

They looked at each other for a moment, and then

said, screw it! More water for us , let's catch some fish!!

decited that it was time to start fishing. They were just getting set up and talking about the strange events that have been taking place. They figured that something must be causing this. A few minutes goes by and all the happy anglers are starting to hook and few nice cromers. When they started hearing faint sounds of... pink floyd. The music started getting louder and next thing you know all the orignal members of the band are doing a show river side for them. Just then...........

said............read the second page ....then post

?????????????????

Did you fall asleep at your keyboard yesterday and then hit "Reply" this morning???

I think this story needs a moderator

I wanna know what happened at the concert!

Good call Bob

So as the real story goes, after having a few beers with the band and taking a short break they started to play again. Once again the sky was changing colors and the bass was loud. As we listen we all decited to start fishing again. We started to notice that with the music and the color charge in the sky most of the smaller fish started to drop back in postion at the hole we were fishing. Just then you could see the shadow of what looked like a huge...............

Storm cloud moving in. One could see bands of rain approaching, so Pink Floyd threw tarps over their gear so it wouldn't get wet. They kept playing all the songs right off their greatest hits album. Since it was still Saturday, the fishing group became really excited because some overnight fresh rain would mean EXCELLENT fishing tomorrow morning....

The Band Members completed thier first set and came down to the river too.....

see their reflection in the crystal clear water of the special river. But as they looked at the reflections, the water was getting a little bit of color, the rain was having an instant effect.
It was a welcome sight and the band decided to pack up and get back on tour and the fishing began as well. It didn't take long after the first offering hit the water for ................

for anglers to come out of the wood work, our special spot was now being invaded by to many people. The whole thing was starting to look like a day of fishing a Blue Creek, then all at once from no where...

they all looked at each other and said "time to move again" and they packed up and were on there way. Knowing they needed to move quickly and find at spot because first light was just around the conor. One of the fellow fisherman said I have a nice honey hole I'll take you to. As they arrived they were amazed at what they were seeing, there were so many fish that........

the lone canuck said, piss off, these Vedder Whites are mine!

But the whites had taken a wrong turn ... they were in an American River, so they sent the Canuck off to get some beer for them, all the way to Canada The hole was now theirs again and it was just getting to the perfect amount of daylight to start fishing ...

The fishing group sat back and studied the river. They looked at each riffle and eddy, each hole and flat, picturing where fish would hold and how they would fish them much like how a surfer would sit back and study waves rolling in before deciding on where he would surf.

The whole strech of the river visible for a mile in each direction was theirs for the morning bite to come. They got ready for what they knew would be a great day of fishing. (hint hint contributors )

Just then from around the far corner of the bend in the river came a sled flying at mach 11 with the two biggest bad ass fishermen the world had ever seen. Rags and Fishhead. Since the lucky fisherman was from Oregon he knew these two guys and was glad to see they had brought the girls from the Women in waders team with them and invited the Lucky Fisherman, Osprey and the foxy game warden to climb aboard. The best piece of water was in Oregon and they knew that Tillamook was the place to be. None of these happy souls had had a good nights sleep yet but before going to sleep they had to find the lodge up river that had the best bicuits and gravy breakfast made so .....

...off they went to find the lodge.

After about 20 minutes of cruising up the river, they came to a sharp bend in between two cliffs. Before they knew it, they entered a large cave that the water had carved out over the eons. But wait! It wasn't a cave after all. It was the mouth of the legendary "Moby Sturgeon!" He was said to be an 80 foot long, 3500 year old monster. Rags and Fishhead managed to get the boat turned around, but the opening began to shut in front of them....

and with a scream the Lucky Fisherman woke up from nightmare. Rubbing his eyes he looked over and saw Os still sleeping. They had passed out from hitting the hard jar a litttle to hard! With a pounding headache he brewed a pot pot of cowboy coffee and tried to shake the cob webs out looking forward to a new day on that river. As Os awoke to the smell of the coffee he realized that his fishing gear was gone. He asked the Lucky Fisherman how long have they been sleeping and where did his gear go?...........

Lucky sez.. gear , what fishing gear you talking about fool? (its been packed upriver 2 miles craped-on and buried under a foot of topsoil) I never sleep, and reaching to the back of his neck just like in mission impossible II he rips off the fake headgear. Whats this...? He reveals his true identity "BOB YORK" kicking the red-hot coffee in O's face he scampers to the river, rod in hand looks back over his shoulder and sez.....

"Thats the last time I do mushrooms"