Posted by: h2o
You don't want to fish with me because... - 12/05/02 06:06 AM
...I'm loud. Not only am I loud but just when you think I've said the most inane thing in the whole world I say something else.
...I'll outfish you and then gloat about it smugly. You'll want to punch me in the face but can't because I'm twice your size.
...you'll outfish me but I will blame you and your early morning 'dawdling' for keeping us from making it to the hole at first light. No matter how wrong I am it will still be your fault.
...I'll tell you how to row your own boat all day long....I will have done everything differently than you and I will make it clear that your poor oarsmenship cost us a multiple hook-up day...
...I'll tell you where the fish are holding in the river even though I've stood in one spot all day long and haven't caught so much as a whitefish. The fish are always holding where I am not...
...I eat beans. A lot of beans...occasionally I'll 'spice it up' with some freeze dried foods, the bears wouldn't even be able to stand my stench....
...after every cast I light another smoke, but only when the wind is blowing it right in your face...
... after I catch a fish I indulge...but will never pass it to you...
...I'll demand that you sprint full tilt down boulder sized, silt covered gravel to get a picture of my four pound Dolly but will be far more interested in not catching fish when it comes time for me to walk ten feet to snap a picture of your twenty pound trophy....
..I'll hand you a camera you've never touched before you in your life and expect a perfect picture. If I don't get it I'll remind you about it for at least three years....
...I'll want to drive four hours each way to fish for three hours and return home. On the way we'll take a shortcut but miss the turn because I am too busy air drumming to something I insisted you'd like but in reality find nauseating...
...I'll catch boots all day long and say 'nice fish' after calling the chromer you just released a boot...
...I'll complain about the declining native run when I have a dead fish on the bank. If someone questions me about it I'll mention that I'm armed....
...I'll insist that we take my truck even though the heater doesn't work, the CD player was stolen and the exhaust leak I've been going to fix for five years blows directly into the cab...
...I'll laugh at my own jokes all day long but say 'huh' every time you say anything...
...I'll forget to mention my 100 pound dog but expect you to row his hyperactive ass twelve miles during spring flows anyway...
...I'll complain about all the people the internet has attracted to my favorite spot but leave my Vibrax packages strewn from one end of the gravel bar to the other...
...I'll stand neck deep, in the middle of the traveling lane to cast to where the fish aren't. If you ask me to move I'll be a dick about it...
...we'll get blown out on a trip we've been planning for five years but I'll insist that there is a bright side...
....I will always be ready two hours after I say I am going to be ready...
...I will post about your failings on the internet, perhaps even mentioning your name and home number, so that every idiot with a computer can tell you how you wrong you are...even though you were fishing when they were posting...
...I'll outfish you and then gloat about it smugly. You'll want to punch me in the face but can't because I'm twice your size.
...you'll outfish me but I will blame you and your early morning 'dawdling' for keeping us from making it to the hole at first light. No matter how wrong I am it will still be your fault.
...I'll tell you how to row your own boat all day long....I will have done everything differently than you and I will make it clear that your poor oarsmenship cost us a multiple hook-up day...
...I'll tell you where the fish are holding in the river even though I've stood in one spot all day long and haven't caught so much as a whitefish. The fish are always holding where I am not...
...I eat beans. A lot of beans...occasionally I'll 'spice it up' with some freeze dried foods, the bears wouldn't even be able to stand my stench....
...after every cast I light another smoke, but only when the wind is blowing it right in your face...
... after I catch a fish I indulge...but will never pass it to you...
...I'll demand that you sprint full tilt down boulder sized, silt covered gravel to get a picture of my four pound Dolly but will be far more interested in not catching fish when it comes time for me to walk ten feet to snap a picture of your twenty pound trophy....
..I'll hand you a camera you've never touched before you in your life and expect a perfect picture. If I don't get it I'll remind you about it for at least three years....
...I'll want to drive four hours each way to fish for three hours and return home. On the way we'll take a shortcut but miss the turn because I am too busy air drumming to something I insisted you'd like but in reality find nauseating...
...I'll catch boots all day long and say 'nice fish' after calling the chromer you just released a boot...
...I'll complain about the declining native run when I have a dead fish on the bank. If someone questions me about it I'll mention that I'm armed....
...I'll insist that we take my truck even though the heater doesn't work, the CD player was stolen and the exhaust leak I've been going to fix for five years blows directly into the cab...
...I'll laugh at my own jokes all day long but say 'huh' every time you say anything...
...I'll forget to mention my 100 pound dog but expect you to row his hyperactive ass twelve miles during spring flows anyway...
...I'll complain about all the people the internet has attracted to my favorite spot but leave my Vibrax packages strewn from one end of the gravel bar to the other...
...I'll stand neck deep, in the middle of the traveling lane to cast to where the fish aren't. If you ask me to move I'll be a dick about it...
...we'll get blown out on a trip we've been planning for five years but I'll insist that there is a bright side...
....I will always be ready two hours after I say I am going to be ready...
...I will post about your failings on the internet, perhaps even mentioning your name and home number, so that every idiot with a computer can tell you how you wrong you are...even though you were fishing when they were posting...
