Craig's list 101

1. If the chick doesn't put her picture up there's a reason for it. She's either ugly,fat,or both. More than likely both. Don't buy the "I don't want my co-workers to see me on here" line.

2. If she keeps posting the same ad for months it means there is something abhorantly wrong with her,otherwise she'd a found a man by now.

3.If she's pushy and wants to meet right away,run! She's fat,ugly,psycho,or all three.

4. BBW means FAT!

5. Curvy means FAT!

6. Voluptious means she's a heffer.

7. Height weight proportionate means FAT.

8. If they have a huge laundry list of requirements chances are they are complete losers and could never meet their own expectaions,so why should you have to?

9. NEVER give out your number to them.

10. MySpace. You can see what they look like before you ever even talk to them. And you can see what they're interests are. These chicks are down for dating,even if it says "here for friends". Can you say Meat Market? Craigslist sucks.

It sounds like you have met some "women" on Craigslist before.

HWP- Has Weight Problem

Not in person. Once I see the photo I email them something like "I'm sure you're a nice gal,but......"

Many years ago--as in over a decade ago--I tried the Internet dating thing. Ill put it this way

1 fat, bitchy, took to a semi-decent restaurant (Budd Bay Cafe) found out that Denny's was the nicest restaurant she'd been to until that moment. She looked at the menu, looked disgusted, asked if they had any Hamburgers. When she got it, she scraped everything off it annd ate it plain. After dinner I dropped her off at her car and drove away.

2 Morbidly Obese, Psychotic. Was currently charged with the multiple stabbing of her husband (he survived) and had a 500yd restraining order against her preventing her from seeing her husband or 4 kids. 1 cup of coffee later she was left at whatever sheethole it was I met her at.

3Fat, psycho. Began stalking me before I ever met her. Somehow found the HOME phone # of another girl I was seeing and started harrassing her. She lived on the other side of thestate, too. Had to threaten legal action. Scary [censored]. Still haven't figured out how she found that girl's number.

that was it. 3 strikes.

Dude that was awesome! So.....that was it,you just gave up?

The way I see it, and it's kinda obvious, the "good" girls have no problem finding guys through normal means of dating, and the ones who aren't of the "good" batch go through the internet for finding dates....

Now now I'm sure there are plenty of good women who date through the internet. I'm just saying Craigslist is the place to buy a rell,not to find a woman. I still look though haha

Avid Angler, Myspace is the way to go. you can not beat it. the last 3 girls i have been with have been through myspace. the last one i must say is a little crazy, but the other two where normal and smoking hot! give it a try.

ADELAIDE, Australia - An Australian farmer held hostage in Mali for 12 days by a gang of men who had posed as an online love interest has urged others to be careful when seeking romance on the Internet.
Des Gregor, 56, traveled to the West African nation last month to meet his supposed bride, whom he had met on the Internet, and collect a dowry of gold bars worth $85,000.
But when he arrived, the wheat and sheep farmer was abducted by a gang of armed bandits who bound him, beat him with a machete and stole his cash and credit cards.

More here:
http://www.comcast.net/news/internationa.../13/737791.html

All of the internet personal adds are scary as hell. The chicks are predominately fat, and the ones that are hot seem to have a pension for well endowed black men that treat them poorly. I can't even read one of these chicks personal adds without thinking, "Whoa, good luck with all of that!"

i'm one for one with crazy chicks and CL...

...I am talking to this other chick (thin) tho that might not turn out to not have shot her ex...

I'll get back to you on that...

They all want to see a penis picture, too. WTF is up with that? If I ever join my profile picture is going to be of a John Holmes size dick laying on the kitchen counter next to a large roll of cash.

I worked with a guy who was big on internet dating. He eventually did marry some porker.. He had some horror stories, and I could not help but wonder " Looking at your wife, how much worse could they have been ".

The worst case he told me about was a girl who right up front demanded to see his house... Uhhhhh, maybe later. Despite all the red flags flying with this woman, he slept with her... then never called her the next day like he said he would. A day later, he found while paying some bills that he was missing a check a couple checks back from the front in his check book. He found this odd. Long story short, this wildabeast had taken it as it had his address on it.

He figured that out when she showed up at his house the very next day. She had a pile of kids out in her car and demanded to come inside. He told her get the hell away. She showed up the next day with some other skanky chick, and beat on his door yelling etc and got the whole neibourhood amuzed. He called the cops and they made her leave. Then she was calling him at work, and leaving messages to the point that his voice box would be full. Then one day she showed up at his work and was yelling at him again.. this got his bosses attention who called him into his office, he said " you actually did that thing ?? are you really that stupid"..

The only way I ever heard this story was because she jacked him up at a Shell station we were at getting gas and she was there and saw him.. It was bad, she had a "front butt" and hair on her chin

yeah...the last thing you'd want to do is show them a pic of the real thing....

Apparently nine and a half inches doesn't cut it these days. It's got to be twelve with glands that hold a Costco size volume of Elmer's glue.

Woman always want to see the cock.. but never the balls..

Something women NEVER say... " Ummmm, nice scrotum"

Here's a commonly used line amongst the online female population. "I don't know what I'm looking for."

Nothing like jumping in a car without any steering linkage.

At first "Nice dinner" meant we didn't cook it ourselves and "Weekend Away" meant Seattle or camping up in the Cascades.

Now it means five stars and Hawaii or the Caribbean.

But nooooo, not you guys! Ya'll have to have some tight, perky, brainless, almost teenager.[/quote]

Ya so, you got a problem wit dat! What's not to like about TIGHT, PERKY, BRAINLESS, and ALMOST TEENAGER

Emphasis on the Finances...

http://seattle.craigslist.org/oly/w4m/400438319.html

Boy, I cant wait to shack up and raise some other dumbass's kids with a woman that only cares about my truck and my checkbook....

EVERYTHING that comes out of her mouth other than, "Ohhhh yeah, mmmm, ohhhhhhh.....fuc% yeah........."

"and the ability to treat a lady with respect and kindness. "

Damn! I was almost on board with this one. Minus the money,nice truck,and absolutely gorgeous part.

If you guys need some action, just stop by my bank. There are 4 single women, 3 divorced, from 25-55 that are all in great shape. If I were only single, I'd hit on every one of them, but I'm a good boy.

My favorite reminds me of June Cleaver, and I told her so. She was my Secret Santa this year and she got me the "Leave it to Beaver" first two seasons on DVD. Can you say "Cougar?"

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!

NEWS FLASH.......guys these are not women posting add's looking for cawk pics these are perverted dudes that live on Capitol Hill!! That are posing as females looking to get their rocks off...sick f'n puppies!!!!

Where do you bank? I'll be her Lumpy Rutherford

It is where I work. Gotta head up to Aberdeen.

Andy old buddy. I'll be visiting you real soon at work. On my way home I'll stop and help you out with some of that fully processed elk ya got there in your freezer.

Sounds good, Dave. I'll let the ladies know you're a comin'.

Tell her I'll be right up to show her my Hump Toolips

So, what do you do when you're ex wife shows up as your match on Match.com?

Call up the company and demand a refund, as their software is obviously BROKEN!

I don't know but one of you obviously lied when setting up your personality profile.

Be a smart negro. Do you think I would ever get laid if I told the truth?

It's a veritable wastland of damaged goods out there, and most of them hang their baggage on their shingle. What a joke.

Why don't you guys look in the other part of Craigslist and just get the women by the hour????

Just a few weeks ago my wife was railing on me about the B.S I told her the day I meet her " Oh, I just like doing things like helping little kids and taking care of old people. I really don't have time for partying and hanging out.. Oh yea, I like to paint and read poetry... yada yada yada..." Scored on day one.. that still pisses her off.

The whole internet meat-market is talored for deceit. "Social drinker, one or two, tops," or "Heavy regular drinker." WTF? Where is the middle ground. I wouldn't want to date anyone that chose either of those which are the only two options.

If people filled out their profiles to accurately depict themselves no one would want to date them. So the "tweak" it, polish it, and all that is left is bullshi% and potential for future drama, and I hate drama. I'll stick to hitting on women the old fashioned way.

What? Clubbing them over the head and dragging them back to the cave?-Heh Heh-TBJ

Too funny..

You guys have complelled me to actually go look at a couple of these sites so I can see whats out there.. of course you have to sign up to look so hows this handle "RICHENHUGE"

Hey, that's a good idea, we should start calling Mr. 3 times a day-Richard, Rich-hard.

Don't get me wrong here Stam, but from the few pages I have read... all these porkers are looking for a guy like YOU

Not married, likes animals, self employed, kids grown ... be afraid, very afraid.

You left out the "leaves checkbook and credit cards lying around" part.

"such as myself........."

I'm onto something. There are a ton of hot couples out there looking for a third party, and some just want a straight dude to fuc% the wife while he watches. I'm all over that.

I've stayed married, but I think fully 75 % of my freinds are on at least their 2nd or even third wife. Seems like whoever they wind up with they are cool at first but sooner or later they find out just exactly why this girl was single anyway. You know " no matter how good lookin she is there is a guy out there thats sick of her Chit".

Just what we need to have dancing around in our heads, visions of Sol's pile-driving a$$.

Again...ick...

Ok Kev, I'm getting worried about ya cause I don't know where you picked that up that vision in this thread other than coming up with it yourself!

Sol doing another guys wife, while the guy watches....disturbing. Catch up, man!

It's all good. Don't be such a wuss.

I thought I read "Sol pile-driving ass" ok you're excused!

Sol's inner swinger will be coming out here in the next year or so...if it hasn't already.
Watch out.

I refuse to do a chick with another guy in the room. There can be as many women in the room as she wants.

That makes about as much sence as refusing to piss in a urinal next to another guy.

Do yourself a Favor....Call Me ! - w4m

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-404029982@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-23, 9:02AM PDT


Hey there fella! Looking for a naughty session without the rushing? Well liik no further! I am as sweet as they come! My best features are my curvacious shape, my great smile and my soft smooth skin.

I am 110lbs; 5'4 and my measurements are 34c-22-26. I am very open minded, so tell me what's your fantasy. I want to make you feel good!

I am available in Seattle and Surrounding areas.... I can see you anytime you would like day, night or evenings. I love my job, I love pleasing men. 150- 200 depending on time and location.

Aren't you in the "surrounding area" Sol ????

Here you go Sol
http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/w4m/404063318.html

hehe...i replied to that one!

sure shes a fake...

...and killed her last boyfriend...

"I'm looking for someone that's caring and trustworthy. If your looking for a one night stand or just a fling i'm not your girl! "

Ya, I'm her man. Gimmie a break, bro.

One time I was sitting on the can in Eugene ,it was one fo those stalls made of concrete that was waist high so you can see the persons head sticking up,very demoralizing and I don't understand why any city would approve of a restroom plan like that. Anyway,I had to go,so I'm in there and this old man comes in,stares at me for a moment,and walks out. Then he comes back in and just starts staring at me. I'm like "WTF? What the hell are you staring at?" He got out of there pretty quick. Dude almost got whomped on seriously,I don't dig that sh!t. So ever since then I refuse to pee next to other men unless I'm at a ball game. If I were to share the same room naked with you bro,she'd better be DAMN hot that's all I have to say.

Try shi%%ing in a military installation. They don't even put up waist-high dividers between the toilets. You sit down next to a guy on either side of you and grunt one out while a line of dudes stand in front of you waiting.

Jails the same way.. don't ask how I know that

I was going to add that. I know because I used to be a dumb ass.

Crapper converstaion " So, hot dogs for dinner tonight.. and maybe some jello " " Damn straight bro.. dinner and a date'..

Did you just eat half the hot dog so you'd still have a date?

Does that mean you'd be fine getting naked alone with a fat chick.

When chicks start getting naked my clothes come off really easy, other guys around or not.

***Thread hijack alert****



Had to drag this over from the thread that Jerry mercifully put to bed, FH5.

Lemme guess. Safety harness for fishing rod? Flotation device for fishing rod? Velcro? Super glue? Sonar device for locating rod?

And "The rod incident of '07" just keeps giving and giving............for YOU guys, I mean.

Hey, I want to hook up with you and 'fly for a drift on the Hump later this fall. Oh yeah, you got a rod I can use?

Somehow I missed that one, I probably said that while sitting around by the fire I suppose. Well anyways, once at 1 am last night, this morning, got one to go, hopefully.

As I recall, it was 3-4 times per day.

Stud.

Swing by the shop, I'll give you your present and we can set a date for the "Hump"

Cool.

Yes. I would. Remember this Sol: "You can't see ugly in the dark,but you can feel fat!"

Coma Dan, Coma.....Dan the Coma maker.

How ugly was she?

"She was so ugly she could trick-or-treat at Halloween over the telephone."

How ugly.

"She went to court and the judge took 2 points off her license for her picture"

"Cops used to pull her over and tell her to speed up"

She was so ugly she could get a job at the fair walking through the corral making horses erections go away.

Lord, I appoligize for that one.

well my craigslist trolling went pretty good while I was gone...put an ad out in seastrikes honor looking for a hot babe to go fishing and one bit! still dont know if its a dogfish or a chromer but its biting and thats a start...to be continued...

Ya'll are gonna start a new dating trend here pretty soon.Dating with Downriggers-TBJ

My date last night was over in 25 minutes flat. Not a craigslist date, but one of those other sites. She walks in and I'm pissed from the get-go because she is 25 to 30 pounds heavier than her photo, but I smiled and rolled with it because I figured I would hit it anyway. So she sits down and we start the trivial BS conversation one would expect between two people with different agendas, and then she starts talking about God. I lost it. I had a beach full of buddies fishing less than five miles away, so I quoted Jessie Ventura and told her I thought religion was a crutch for weak-minded people. She promply said good evening and left.

Then I caught a cab down to Kid Sauk's and partied with cool people until they threw us out of the beach bar: Evening saved.

Sol I remebered this morning a similar incident. I met a beautiful gal at a Christmas party. We chatted it up a bit and I got her phone number. The next week we went out for dinner. She waited until after we ordered to ask the question "Dave, what's you personal relationship with Jesus Christ"?
First thought....I'm not getting any tonight.
Second thought....how do I get out of here and stick this chick with the check?
ps I lied to her and still didn't get any.

I'd need to take off my shoes to count how many girls I ditched because of the religion issue.

This one time right after a onne-nighter, this one airhead popped the question of religion in the form of: "Can you believe those idiots that think we come from monkeys?"

Completely out of the blue.

I finished buttoning my pants, looking her square in the eye, picked up my jacket and keys and replied. "Yeah, and you're living proof." and walked out.

Dave, what is your personal relationship with Satan?

Sol, I could see you starting and running your own matchmaking/dating website. I don't see too many marriage proposals coming from it though. Or maybe you could be the anti-Dr. Phil.

No more reading between the lines. I'm going to throw down the "real-deal" on all my internet profiles so as to weed-out (pun-intended) any princesses with pusification on their mind. Bring on the freaks. Birds of a feather, only.

Check this shi% out. This broad is serious, too.

"I am looking to get married and have children quickly. I am running out of time...my plan is to be be married with 2 children, hopefully a boy and a girl by the time I am 29. I already have a few names picked out. I am college educated, work full time, 5'9"/125lbs, Asian/French, non-smoker, hardly drink and don't do drugs. Once married, I want to be a stay at home mother. I plan to quit work and never go back. The man I marry MUST be able to support me and the children. And also spoil me - shopping sprees, fancy restuarants, exotic vacations, etc. I deserve to be treated like a Princess :)"

Wow she's gonna get some real wack jobs responding to that. As a matter of fact that's exactly what I have been looking for. Oh thank you dear and precious lord for Sol finding my soul mate. Thank you and Praise Jesus. Thank you Sol and Praise the Lord.-TBJ.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/w4m/423348379.html

If she's 24 my pecker is 14" long

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/cas/422061503.html

At least this one was honest

Tim

That last one might just be worth the trouble. Probably not,but what the hell.

that is a good frickin story SOL!!! hahahah that is awesome. i love the walk out stories. Good loud potty humor usually gets the job done for me