Looking for marriage counselors

For our 35th wedding anniversary my wife announced that she is unhappy and was planning on leaving me. At this point we are considering counseling . (After 35 yrs, we probably know more about what marriage is about than most counselors)

However, every time she comes up with a recommendation it comes from a single or divorced woman.

So are there any of you old salty dogs that have been through this and have had a successful experience?

And don't give that Oprah crap, thanks.

Ah shi--. Well your second lines sets off the alarms. So unless you are a drunk, on drugs, abusive ( either verbally or physically ) she is in the " life has passed me by stage " Your choice is either community property and 35 years say you try everything OR you cut your losses and move on. Only you can know the answer BUT from what I went through.............. any doubts at all cut your losses.

As harsh as it sounds it is the way to move forward at times.

Edit here: Just had to do the latter myself recently.

Sorry to hear that.

Did you see this coming at all?

I'd give you my opinion, but it wouldn't mean squat. So instead, I'll just wish you luck coming to a happy outcome for both of you.

35 years? Shoot that squawkin old woman!!!

OK It's not a "life has passed her by" deal. It's an "I have spent my life raising the children and taking care of you, and now I need to take care of myself", deal.

I always figured that was what Thursday's on PP was for.

And we must not forget that I am an ASS HOLE.

chasbo, 1st we have to agree that all us men are a-holes. We get that way by busting our a@@ trying to make a living day in and day out. We do our best which in most cases at times is never enough. To have the nice things requires work and at times long hours. Then it becomes "you never take me anywhere" or something like that.
The worst thing for a marriage is for her to hang out or have any contact with some bitter,divorced bitch who has by mostly her own doing become a man hater.
Tell her there is a real good reason her "friend" is divorced. Some poor schmuck finally got tired of putting up with her whining.
If we took a head count of the guys who ended up better off than the woman after this settles out, it would be overwellmingly in the guys favor.
Good luck and I hope all works out for you.

Sounds like she feels the family-workload hasn't been divided equitably. Offer to reverse roles and "take care of her" for the rest of her life.

"if they build up resentment, it's not going to end well."

She is remembering the bad times in great detail and reaching back 36yrs. I had no idea this resentment ran SO deep. She didn't work during the early years of raising the children. And since has worked part time as well as her glass etching, (which she loves)

And Aunty, I wonder where you got that my attitude of seems "cold and distant" from two posts?

"Chasbo, you seem less than willing to share your feelings here as far as what YOU want and need. "

I was just asking if anybody could recommend a good marriage counselor. And as it turns out here on PP, it has been a very informing discussion.

Thanks Bob for a site where we can cure eggs, smoke fish, cut bait, sell guns, and counsel families.


And Aunty need a job and motivation.

Not about you Marsha, You asked me what I want and need.

Sorry about that, Chasbo.

All my wife and I try to do is have a date night every other week, and make sure we talk to each other every day for at least 20 minutes without the kids around us. Surely we are not perfect, but this has worked for us.

Do yourself a favor,get rid of that broad and go get some fishing time in.




See that's what happens when you seek marriage counciling advice on the dark side of a fishing website. Go see a professional. Sounds to me like your wife is an ungrateful uncommunicative bitch. but then again I just use women for sex so what good am I ,hence the first sentence of this paragraph.


I mean seriously,PP for marriage counciling?


Aunty M if I had to look over at that lop sided mattress at you every morning I would shoot myself hahahaha

But this here is the internets

Sorry to hear about your luck.

I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. It sounds like you are going to have to do some hard emotional work to get through this. I would say you should dig in and start doing that hard work ASAP. The resolution will shake out eventually, and it will be the right one.

Originally Posted By: AuntyM
If Chasbo wanted to get rid of her and thinks of her in the manner that Avid posted, he most likely wouldn't have started the thread. After 35 years, he may actually care about his wife. The fact that she stayed this long means he has some redeeming qualities too.



Either that or he's pu$$y whipped....


Originally Posted By: AuntyM
This is no brainer. Give up Chasbo and have to endure encounters with men like Avid? That'd be stupid IMO. Like I stated earlier... the grass is not greener... It's dead and spray painted green and Avid proves it.


You kill me. There's oly one thing that's dead and green and your husband hasn't touched that in years. If Chasbo really wanted to save his marriage he would go somewhere othetr than an internet fishing site to seek enlightenment. But he posted it here and it's fair game. Just like when i posted that thread about my folks and their home troubles. I knew what I was opening my self up to. Trouble is with you Aunty M,you are like a big fat brook trout who just has to eat the bait.

wow! bring back The King and free Bigstick

As one who has utilized a marriage counselor in the past, a good one can help quite a bit. My wife and I have on a couple occasions met with a counselor to work through some issues and these meetings were largely successful. However, the key to counseling working is that BOTH parties have to be willing to really try and save the relationship. This includes both parties taking a really, really hard look at themselves and being willing to constantly work to improve or modify their behaviors as well as how they respond to their partner. BUT, counseling is no silver bullet. Don't expect a counselor to give you the secrets to marriage because they don't have it. 35 years is a lot of time and memories to just cast away and it is worth saving but both parties have to be willing to save it. The benefit to counseling is that a good counselor can get both of you to communicate with each other without the discussion ending up in another argument that just creates further bad feelings and resentment.

The counselor we have visited with is located in Lakewood, WA. I don't know your location so this may not be close enough to you. His name is Phil Butterfield and the number is (253) 651-7785. Good luck to you and your wife.

My wife and I have been married for 38 years and have had our times of struggle. My Dad gave me the best advice concerning relationships "Ask yourself- Are you better with her or with out her?".
May not applicable in your situation but it does get it down to a simple answer. Good luck.

Sorry to hear. Went through one after 17yrs together. Wasn't my idea, but IMO once the other party has their mind "made-up", the horse is out of the barn. Lots of good advice already posted, and I hope it works out for you.

For what its worth My x leaving trashed me hard. A couple years later I realized the being left part was the cause of the pain and not the loss of the x. She is remaried and we actually get along well now. No body wants to realize someone could be better off without them. Don't wait to add up the opertunity this may afford you. Keep a level head , be positive and rational. She will look up to that. if it is over divorce is simple if the two people just sit down and divide things up. My divorce itself cost me under $500.00 I get my kids 50/50 and I gladly give her money to take the kids shopping so I don't have to. Good luck

If she is agreeable to the two of you getting marriage counseling, check to see if there is a man & woman team in your area. Transactional Analysis works well in cutting through the crazy $hit and finding it's roots. Having both a female and male counseling team seeing both of you at once, will offer a feeling of balance and trust. They can also image your actions and speech (role play) to illustrate how buttons get pushed and reality gets blurred. 35 years of practicing the same script requires good professional help in order to change. They will help you to understand and recognize the importance of observing the behavior, and careful listening is essential for breaking the cycle of dysfunctional communication. Less buttons get pushed when we are allowed to hear the crap we say to each other, thinking no harm is done.

Usually there are perceived scarcities at the core of most of most relationship problems. Things would be OK if only there was enough X,Y,Z. Note: Those variables are fluid and can change at anytime in order to maintain the premise that there is just not enough of something (?), and the other person is to blame for it. The economy is at the core of a lot of marital strife these day.

After getting an opinion from the professionals as to what is best for the two of you individually, you will feel better about the situation and better able to adjust in moving forward with your life. Besides, it will help to illustrate your willingness to give it your best shot. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship or marriage for the sake of adding to the number of years as a statistic, is not a good reason, and detrimental to ones health and longevity. BTW, I also recommend having a personal counselor of your choice in the event it looks like you need support in how to move forward with your life as a single, and in dealing with and X that may be bitter and angry; which by the way happens at times..

What Dan said,Good luck,
STRIKE ZONE

P.S. 35 years is alot of time to be dumped down the drain,but if she has made up her mind,then it's time to move on.

You're soooo easy

Gee. Guess that thread died. Wonder why?

AA, please engage brain before starting keyboard.

chas, hope for the very best of the both of you. don't be overly surprised if the wife chooses to bolt! it's happening alot! a friend of mine accross the street is having a similar situation.

I've never got the 35 then go thing???? At that point you'd think things are good and you're enjoying all the work you've put into the relationship up to that point. I spent to much time and emotional energy fruitlessly trying to save my first marriage. In hind-sight it was bad for me and my kids but thought I was doing the right thing at the time trying.

I'm sorry,doctor rick,I didn't mean to upset you.

AA, You didn't upset me. It's just that with a real breezy style you can come off to some people as a lightweight. Thoughtfulness helps.

It depends on what your intentions are.

Tight Lines,

I don't expect anything I post to ever be taken too seriously.

"She was only 13 and she knew how to nasty..." Frank Zappa

"with a garlic aroma that could level Tacoma..."-FZ

And just when my life couldn't seem to suck any more, last night the vet called and to let me know that my best friend, Edgar, has lymphoma. He is only nine and without treatment could only have a couple of months, [censored]

Damn, Chasbo. Hang in there. I've had lots of dog-related highs and lows this year.

Beautiful Golden Chas.

I wish you all the best.

Life does seem to throw you combination punches sometimes.

Sorry to hear about your dog. Best of luck.

Just got back from taking him to grayland for a run on the beach and a bbq

1) After reading the part about the dog, I immediatly let Chomper D back in the house and spent a few minutes spoiling him.

2) My wife quit on me a few years ago, I fought it at the time, though I was very surprized by my own feelings/actions. At this point I am glad she did, who wants to be involved with someone who harbors even a shadow of a doubt as to whether they want to be there ?

3) Man says to Wife,"If you save this marriage one more time...I KEEL YA !!!

Dude that sucks about your dog. I totally retract any and every snide remark I made earlier barring those directed at Fatty M. Hang in there bud.

Dear Mr. Hasbro-

I do not know where you currently stand in your marriage, but this may be of interest to you.

Chasbo hang in there.

After 35 years it comes down to assets....do what ever it takes, to keep from splitting them up.

Good luck.

Mf

A month has passed and he is still smiling. He has been eating like a king. We are down to our last two cans of salmon, the oils are supposed to be good for him. However, the tumors continue to grow around his throat and chest making breathing difficult. It's not time to pull the plug quite yet and I hope that he can just let go naturally.

Thanks to all of you for the support and good words through this obscene time in my life. Only TRBO knows who I am and yet the entire PP group has all the makings of a family. A bit dysfunctional, but still a good family.

Chas:

That looks like it has been a very lucky dog. When his time comes lets hope he slips away in his sleep.

Unlike wives, dogs love you unconditionally. Your going through some tough sh$t. I wish you all the best.

Well, one down one to go. She will be here for another week.

Now if I could just find a part time job and more bait my life might get better.

Grandpa always said, " If it's got tits or tires, it will give you trouble".