life after divorce

hello to all, its been a while since I could post here. Just went through a divorce, and lost the computer in the settlement. I did get to keep my Jetboat, and I bought my driftboat before we got married. Anyways I just got a new computer and wanted to say hi to you all. I will be seeing ya.

Been there, done that.

Glad your still breathing and life WILL go on. Good deal on keeping the fishing goodies; it will help keep your sanity with the free time you now have on your hands.

Good luck!

Also been there. Sounds like a reasonable settlement: she gets the computer; you keep the fishing gear.

Depression is common after divorce. There are two common reactions. One is drinking, and it is not good after about three. The other is to do, even if you have to force yourself, the things you love passionately. Fish hard. Fish often. You will be better for it.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.

Near as I can tell, Stam's success rate quadrupled after he dismissed his old lady. The best is still ahead of you, dude.

C'on Stam she couldn't have been that bad. Look at the wonderfull girls she gave you!

This thread is striking a little too close to home. Let's just say it's been a really bad week for me. Big meeting with the attorney tomorrow.

Salmo's post hit it bang on (as usual!) in my case. Been making a good dent into the Tanqueray reserves while trying to immerse myself in anything fishing-related (anyone notice the spike in fNp posts the last few nights?) to ward off the looming spirits of depression. Much tougher when you can't get out on the river, but I've managed to keep myself busy enough to distract my mind from the misery of impending divorce.

Believe me, it's not something I would recommend to anyone.

Hang in there Doc!

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. For me... divorce was the best thing I could have done! I only wish I'd done it SOONER!

My favorite joke dealing with divorce...

Do you know why divorce costs so much?

Because it is worth it.

Haven't been there myself, but I have had friends go through it. Seen it go both ways. The one that went the best was when they kept things civil.

Take care.

Been there done that! This time I got smart and married a woman who likes to fish and understands the addiction

SA

Never been there, never done that, and never even been close. Good luck guys. And I bet your ex-wifes hate fishing right?

Went through that in 1990 and was a happy camper.
I had 9 years after that of fishing whenever I
f*&king felt like it.
Doc, sorry to hear about your situation.
It will get better!

It does get better. I went though it four years ago.
Ours went well and we are better friends now. At the time I thought life was over- I was wrong.
My boy spends half the time with me and things are good.
Keep your head up!
Dave

Went through it after seventeen years of torture.
I hear ya doc on making the dent. I almost went in head first.

Find someone to talk to. I had a great therapist. Between her, family and friends along witha strong dose of fishing. I am on top of the world.

It took a while, but never been happier. I to kept the sled, the poles and the property on the COW. The retirement is another thing. Worth it though. Tips up!!!!!

FnP you are making me depressed. Your a smart guy you already know there's more options then just drinking or fishing. Take advantage of your insurance and see a counselor. Don't wait till it gets so bad you find yourself staring off a tall bridge. At the very least don't drink alone.

I don't want to hear any crap from anybody about toughing it out. That kind of BS advice leds people who are depressed into feeling even more isolated. I've dealt with it myself, and anybody who's dealing with enough sh&t in their life can be at risk.

Must be something with the planetary alignment or some other vodoo....saw alot of folks last night who were having very tough times coping, way more then usual. Pulled a gal out of the restroom this last shift who was the first I ever saw to actually cut the artery in her wrist. I don't want to ever see eyes like that again.

If there's anything I can do please ask.

Don't worry about me trying anything stupid. Life sucks right now, but I have too many things to make life worth living. A lot of future dream fishing destinations for one, and of course there's my four girls.

I know this sounds really lame, but banging on these keys actually is therapeutic... well at least for me.

The best revenge after a divorce . Live well and everytime you see her smile and be so sweet your sicking.

Apologies, and congratulations. Much awaits you.

Six years or so since she left me. The tears are no longer on the surface--I have to concentrate a while. I don't, much--helping others consumes more of my attention. Why wallow in self-contempt when you can apply a healing balm on the suffering of others?

"Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal..." --Longfellow

May the fish fall for your offering infallibly--

TyeeTerror and FnP: Hang tough... Anyone that ever said that you could walk away from somethin like that without having to cope with the loss is full of it! Even if you are the one that wanted it! I've never been through it, but I can only imagine! Anyone you loved enough to marry is hard to get over being without! Same goes for serious g/f's really, theres just little to no paperwork and legal stuff... That in itself is enough to kill a guy! Just always remember time heals almost all wounds.. might be a little scar tissue left in the end, but it's nothin you can't cope with! =) Keep your chin up and try to smile! It's the best thing you can do!

Vince: What line of work do you do?!

Tom

Lot's of good advice here.

I was depressed for a couple years still hanging onto remnants of good times in my memory. What got me through it? Talking to friends, not bottling the feelings up inside (something I'm prone to doing)Not drinking heavily, LOTS of fishing and, most importantly in my case, looking ahead instead of looking back....again with the help of my friends.

4 years later? I feel good!

lucky you got to keep the fishing gear. my friends parents got a divorce last year and his mom took all the fishing gear just to piss of his dad. the boats, poles, reels, hooks, i mean everything.

but hey like the others said at least now you will have more time for fishing and thats always a good thing.

TT and FNP, my thoughts are with you.

Been a lttle over three years since the Divorce was final and just under four since my Ex left. To top that off my best friend who remained with me died. Thought I was living a country song.

Here is what I did to get through it:

Well, hit the wrong key and she was off. Let me start again. Here is what I did:

1. I forced myself to stay active. I worked in the yard, fished, volunteered, etc. Being active and keeping up the positive parts of your life helps a lot with the depression.

2. Saw a counselor soon after the wife left. The counselor helped keep me on the right track.

3. Kept my emotions out of the Property Settlement. Its real tempting to do things out of anger, but that will only make it worse. In the end I got the things I wanted, bought the house back, but payed out a lot of money. As far as the money goes, I didn't dwell on it. I set a goal to earn back all that I payed out within three years. I exceeded that goal.

4. I forced myself not to dwell on the past but to look forward to the future.

5. I had good friends who gave solid advice and always reminded me that things woudld get better. They were right, it not only got better with time, but I am in better shape then I ever was.

6. I didn't date for a year. I used that time to get myself straight and on track.

The toughest part is splitting up everything and getting through the period until the divorce is final.

My best to both of you guys.

P.S.

I should have mentioned that my best friend who died was my Siberian Husky. I still miss him.

Sounds like lots of good advice and a release for the inner demons that haunt us all at times.Keep your rod tip up and your spirits are sure to follow.

It has benn 15 years this week for me and I am still single,and liking it.
Best thing that ever happened to me.
I can't begin to count all the fish,great trips,good friends that I have made sense being single.
The first year is hard.I just kept my head up and focused on work and fishing.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Good Luck

What is it about this time of year? This Doc has also been having issues with the warden. 20 years and it seems to never get better, Im hanging on by a thread.

It's gotta be the time of year... I'm actually goin through the exact same thing now, at least she let me keep my gear. I know that most of you don't know me at all, except for those VERY few I have met on the rivers, but I can say that all the pics and videos you all got on here help take the mind off of things, and a select few really good friends seem to help too. I guess this just proves, no matter what happens, it's happened to someone else before you. Oh well, I'll go back to being quiet now.

I almost never drink alone.... Brad Paisley is usually there to keep me company.

Laugh all you want guys, but ain't nothin' like a good country song to get a guy thru tough times.

Guys, sorry for what you are going through. They say time heals wounds but looking back I found the best remedy was good old fashioned truth. From my experience fishing or drinking won't make this problem go away. I had alot of buddies who did their level best to console me through the difficult process you are going through, but as it turned out only one true friend who gave it to me straight. We all have alot of buddies who sincerely wish us well but in times like this what we really need is that friend that is closer than a brother. One who knows us and will tell us the truth we are struggling to understand and just can't see on our own. I sure hope you guys can accept this quicker than I did because it was only then that peace, joy, purpose and priority was restored to my life.

The truth I needed to hear at the time was that my priorities were all screwed up and that I needed to grow up and be the husband and father God wanted me to be, not just the greatest fisherman I wanted to be. When I was finally able to get a hold of this truth and spent my time in the box, I found that behind my loss there was to be tremendous blessing. Today when I look at my wife, my kids and I get together with my ex, I thank the Lord for setting me straight. I may not get out fishing as often as I once did or as often as I would like but I can honestly say I enjoy it all the more. I know that day is there for each of you as well. Be well and be strong for the kids.

Psa 71

That which does not kill you makes you stronger.

Add me to the list of "Been there, done that". Tyee and FnP, hang in there guys. I relied on the three "F's" during my divorce. Friends, family and fishing. Not necessarily in the that order and sometimes all at once.

FishnMike

So what's the deal? Is there something in the air or what?? I am in the same position you are right now fishdoc. I have had a real rough last couple of months. And then last night wasn't one of the better ones in a while. The only thing we haven't done is made an appointmend with an attourney. Seems like there is a lot of good advice on here, but it is also good to know that you are not the only one going through a rough period in your life. Here's to us guys that are actually going through or getting ready to go through the big D!

Good luck to all
Buck

"ain't nothin' like a good country song to get a guy thru tough times."

That is so true!

There's no such thing as a "good" country song.

Right on Mooch! ...very well stated.

Guess I best chime in here...sadly, I likely have the most experience with divorce of anyone on the board.

Been married 4 times, been through three divorces. This wife I'm keeping....and she's keeping me.

The best cure for the emotional issues of divorce is TIME. It takes lots of TIME for the memories (bad ones) to fade out. Don't dwell on them..and if you find yourself dwelling on the fights, arguments and issues that you fought about then FIND SOMETHING TO DO that can take your mind off of it.

AVOID new relationships...cause until you have dealt with the issues from the previous marriage anything new hasn't got a chance of making it.

Drinking or drugs are no escape..at all. When you sober up the problems are still there, and you have gained -0-, NADA.

Unless you are near retirement age, remember that YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE MORE MONEY. This is not what an attorney will tell you, but you need to consider how much sh1t you will have to go through just to keep a few of the $ from the marriage...most of the time it ain't worth it. Within reason, I'm for just giving her the damn money and other crap she wants (you can ALWAYS buy more "stuff").

If there are kids involved, make sure you get very clear visitation, or custody, rights. STAY in your kids lives. Thisn will mean giving up a lot of fishing weekends to see them.....it is most important as someday that relationship you have with your kids will be far more important than anything else.

STUFF is just that....STUFF! You can always get more STUFF...so don't give yourself a coronary fighting with the future ex-biznatch over pennies and dimes...it is just not worth the stress.

PLAN for your future. Consider some things you would like to do, and DO THEM.

Tons more advice and thoughts on this...but believe me, there is life after divorce, and it can be a GOOD LIFE....

.........and it starts with you letting go of the past, and the anger/pain/angst/stress of the divorce. You don't like/love her anymore, and she doesn't like/love you anymore. What else is there to consider? It's over.

Mike

Lot's of good advice. Mike had lot's.
I didn't follow the "don't date for the first year" though and I'm glad I didn't. I did however know in my mind that none of the dates would stick whick helped.
Hang in there as is does get better. I also saw a shrink for a year and that helped a lot.

"Don't date for the first year"

There are two schools of thought about that. The one I've always followed after a divorce comes from the old idea that the best way to get over losing your dog is to get another dog.

On the other hand, if you grab the first dog that comes along, because you miss having a dog so bad, you probably aren't going to get as good a dog as you would if you take your time.

Tons of good advice...and all of it from the heart...
I've been there twice, and the one thing that helped me more than anything was getting out and doing what I loved. The only thing I might add would be take time off from relationships, don't get caught in any rebound situation, (does not necessarily mean don't date, just don't get serious for awhile). I took several years and when I was finaly comfortable with myself and living alone, doing what I enjoyed doing with my group of friends, everything else fell into place and I am happier now than I have ever been in my life!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes its just hard to see...But it is there

Remind me not to get divorced.

Parker,

Reminders are irrelevant. More important is understanding that life is uncertain. Accepting that and adapting to changing situations are the attributes that get one through life.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.

If you guys are moping around in a state of depression your on the wrong page. That boat is gone, dudes. If she doesn't want you anymore there's a 100 out there that do. Line-em up like dominos and tip-em over. It's your time to live, baby.

Sky_guy...who is that woman in your avatar? She looks like a stripper I dated once. We were very happy right until the snooze alarm woke me.

Hmmm, maybe its time for a roadtrip to see some Portland "dancers". Anybody 'up' for the trip?


Vince

Sitting by yourself is no good. Hang out at the gym in your spare time and torture yourself with the weights for a good diversion.

The time of the year is lack of daylight. Seasonal affective disorder.
SAD.
Mood swings (depression) is nothing new for the dark days of winter.
There is light therapy, drug therapy (legal and otherwise) getting out and active will help.
Sorry to hear about the tought times...sharing with sympathetic souls will help.
Admitting you need help dealing will likely get you better results than thinking that you are weak if you seek help.
Good luck to all.
Don't be afraid to reach out.

Never understood that. WHY would you go and give your hard earned CASH to some gal with whom there is NO WAY your going to get into the sak, or anything else for that matter.

You'll walk out of there with a yer britches full of wood and an empty wallet...doesn't sound like a good deal to me..

Only took a few trips to such a place when I was younger (about 25 years ago) and learned my lesson(s). Even dated one of those "dancers" for awhile...(here the story endeth!)

Mike

Didn't you notice my signature? She's a volleyball shoplifter I caught in the act!

Well TyeeTerror,
Welcome to the club! I think there is a song, "It only hurts for a little while." Seriously, there are about 2 million people in the U.S., with about 1.2 million being of the fairer sex. By the time you eliminate the ugly,fat,too young, too old,& happly married,there are at least 10,000 women you could be happy with. Usually where you live at the time you decide to mate pretty much dictates your bride. Mope around for a little while, decide you are as good as you ever was, and cast your self out upon the fairer sex with a vengence!!!!~~~.Works great!"Love"is a many "splintered" thing. You might even become good friends with your "Ex" as I did. Booze won't help you a lot, but "catching"(fish) soothes the soul. Remember, they are still making those "Little Darlings!"
DONOT isolate your self. Good Luck! Raft-Cat

ISO, to each his own. Road trip to Portland or B.C. sounds pretty good to me.

TyeeTerror,
Error In my Last Post to you! There are about 200 Million bodies in the U.S.
120 Million of the fairer sex.
Much better odds.

CHEERS

Raft-Cat

Is this http://WWW.Oprah.com?

TK you beat me to it

well thanks guys for all the excellent advice. I guess I struck a cord here with a lot of follow fisherman. I am doing ok, and have put most of my energy into my 6 year old son. He is taking this a heck of a lot better than I had hoped. Can't say I didn't put away a little Crown Royal in the beginning. Anyways thanks again guys.

"I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. For me... divorce was the best thing I could have done! I only wish I'd done it SOONER!"

lol I thought he said SOBER!

Doc I was wondering how a married fella with kids could post so many pics of nice fish and get away with it! I know there is a serious side to this, and I hope everyone is getting the help they need. If I ever get divorced it will likely be because I fish too much and forget about all the nice things I should be doing for my wife.
Wish you all the best

The pic posting thing didn't really take off until after I had been served with papers. While some of you might come to the conclusion that's the CAUSE of my problems, the truth is it's just a SYMPTOM..... more free time to pursue the things I enjoy, sharing it with my kids, and of course sharing with the rest of you.

But in the end, yeah, I guess she kind of got tired of competing with a hen king for my attention.

Truth is she was a damned good fishergal. Not much for rigging and tying up gear, but she did bait her own hook, cast her own line, and insisted on holding her own rod while backtrolling for kings. She fought fish better than most guys I've ever had on board my boat. And man could she catch trout on the Kenai! Sheepishly, I'll have to admit to chopping off her all time biggest Kenai king (70-plus) with some bad boat maneuvering around the big pointy mid-river rock below Big Eddy back in 2003. It's probably a good thing, because I don't think I could have ever convinced her to release it if she had successfully landed it.

Guess none of that matters now. So sad....

Doc- Your killing me! I think Katosan needs to club you over the head with your mallet! Lets get out and do some fishing! No more exscuses from either side. I know where there are some fish with your name on em. Angel says keep your chin up and to go fishing. Maybe she could introduce you to one of her 20 something little hard body friends. Anyways I will talk to you later.

Harbor-Hog

You guys just need a bit of inspiration

For me it still sucks,after almost 3 yrs.
But it is getting better thanks to the help of my
Grandaughter,daughter,soninlaw and some very dear freinds.

And then there is FISHING,yep its getting better.
Now I am off to Alaska in a few hours YEAH!!

Hang in there guys.
I was divorced about 13 years ago while in my late 20's.
I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.
It took a while, but I dusted myself off, and went after life with a passion.
Many guys I know that are truly in love with hunting and fishing have relationship problems.
Many women just cannot comprehend how a man can be so immersed in his passion and they don't want to play second fiddle to the other woman (Mother Nature).
Doc, you have some great kids and a hell of a career, I am sure your future is a lot brighter than it may seem right now.
Looking back, my divorce actually made me a better person and when I look at all the thing that have come my way since those dark days it was all for the good.
Life is what you make of it.
"Live like you were dying"...(cuz you are!)

I also relied on the 3 "F's", but they had nothing to do with family or fishing.

Didn't you just get married while we were going to the UW? WOW, looks like your marathon turned out to be a 100-yard dash.


Ahhh, morning wood.

The phrase "served with papers" should be stricken from the English language.

I remember, a few months ago, seeing my neighbor running around his house screaming while the paper server was chasing him. Then, a few minutes later he emerged from the house with a suitcase and I never saw him again. Since then, I have long suspected that the little woman had him buried somewhere in the back yard.

I have been reluctant to reply to this topic, but after you read this you'll know why. I have been divorced three times. Yes, three. Yes, I'm going to write a book. I lost children, homes, vacation property, boats, cars, sleep, and lots of money.

The bottom line? No matter how difficult it is, no matter how much money you lose, no matter how desperate things appear...........love your children. You will survive with their love. If you don't have children, call up a fishing buddy and go fishing. A day on a river with a true friend always makes things better. Keep your chin up and hat pointed forward. Good luck.

Good to know I'm not the only three-timeer on the board!

Mike

Nah I'm not divorced, although I can understand how it happens for sure. I was just quoting someone from above... I've been married now for 5 yrs and have a 2.5 yr old boy and a baby girl due this month. I think that people usually wait until the kids are a bit older and they really do not know eachother anymore before doing the split! My wife is pretty cool though so I think I'll keep her. Plus like I said earlier... divorcing an attourney is not in my best interest.

Neal

my oh my...the MAV's been there and done that!

I feel for ya FNP! Toughest part of my divorce 15 years ago was dealing with my little girls.
Hang in there, always make time for your kids, let him know your'e still DAD.
It might not seem like it but things get better in time. Women can always be replaced, like there's always another fish to catch in the sea...but your kids are irreplaceable.

keep on fishing and posting those great pics and maybe I'll see you on a river again soon...MAVSLED

my .02 cents... As hard as it may be you have to keep a civil relationship with the mother of your kids. You by no means have to like one another but at no time is it acceptable to talk bad about the other to your kids. My parents split a long time ago and it was definitely for the better, but the one resentment that both my sister and I share is that they could never have any respect for each other. In the end it has completely destroyed any sense of family we ever had. My mother skipped my sisters graduation because my father was there. My father skipped my sisters wedding because my mother was there. Only reason I had both parents at my grad was because it was in baseball stadium and they could have seperate sides. No joke!

Its different if you don't have any kids, but if you do it doesn't matter if your wife leaves to go set a new record in the porn industry... you still need to have respect for her in front of your kids.

That said good luck and just try to keep busy with all the things that make life as beautiful as it is.

Mike,

You dated a stripper?
Your only supposed to joke about dating dancers, your not supposed to actually do it. There's no way to write a happy ending to that relationship.

"Daddy, how did you meet mommy?"....
"Well Honey, when I first saw your mom she was doing lap dances, she gave me one for half price and I knew then it was love."

Seriously though, the way I have fun in those places is to drag a few wild nurses along with me, and then sit back and watch them having fun. Its alot cheaper. I usually can avoid buying booze as well. Usually a couple of saps will buy drinks for the girls at my table. I've got it all figured out. I don't pay for beer, or for dances, and I'm very well entertained.

I haven't had that kind of fun since I moved to Olympia. Makes me wonder how the hairy legged gals at Evergreen College pay for tuition.


Mingo,

Are those drag washers hanging off the neck of that first gal? For some reason that's the first thing I noticed. I think something is wrong with me.

Vhawk; "How'd you meet mommy?" hahahahahahahh! Now that's funny!

FishnMike

No Vince, they are Bass Pro Shops rod handle balancing weights.....don't you know by now that every good cheesecake photo should have some fishing theme to it?

Yes, there is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with all of us. And that is a good thing. People with no eccentricities are unbelievably boring

quote:

---

Originally posted by vhawk29:
Mike,

You dated a stripper? in what most call "stripper bars". She was a sort of "bonus" that I received from some...ah..business that was on-going.

Didn't really "date" her, in the classical sense...it was more like going to the gym. Woman could do some incredible things that would make even S_O_T_D blush!

Make more sense now?

Mikey was not always the saint he is now..

Mike

p.s. Of all those "buddies" I used to hang out with, one is on death row and the rest are all either dead or dying from their addictions and life style. I got smart and looked for a better path through life.