Cooking shows

I would so smash

Smash...

I'd smash,yes even that pudgy little Rachel Ray. I bet she likes it rough.

for Hank. Sol Cuck ,Salmo and any of you other "seasoned" gentlemen who want a more mature woman lol.

My ol lady knows what goin on in my head when I watch Giada.
It ain't the food. Smash for sure.

Hank likes it when Hillary cooks for him in her moomoo or tent, whatever he fvckin calls it.

Nigella starts talking dirty to me and I realize she's just saying food [Bleeeeep!] in an english accent. I bet she [Bleeeeep!] like a screaming banshee behind closed doors.

The only thing you'll be smashing is a crack pipe holding a rock.

You're the only one laughing at that tired old assed joke. Wait,you're a tired old ass! Makes sense now. Carry on you fkn nuthin.

Mouth watering, like what happens before you puke.. Gross.

Hank I bet you like yours with a side of man gravy.

looks like shanker prefers bones in his rectums

edit, didnt notice midwest above thought the same thing

Only Shank could take a fun thread like this and turn it into a venue to promote his deep love of penis.

I'd give this one some cock to go with that guac!!

On tonight's episode of Naked Cooking: Katie Lee's Tuna Tartare.

Somewhere, a school lunch program is missing its Tuesday entree...

WRONG!! You are the one who brings up your latent,closeted,twisted homosexual tendencies on here for all to see. All you ever talk about it other dudes,including Hillary.

I can't decide if Giada is super hot or a freak show. She has all of the cooking ingredients for being super hot, but her head and face are just so massive. Her body ratio is all outta wack and her smile scares me. The "plating" is off so-to-speak. I mean - don't get me wrong, I'd totally throw down, but that's only because I have poor standards. That doesn't exclude or exempt her from my above statements.

I'd actually smash Paula Dean too. All sweet, warm and fluffy like a southern biscuit with honey. But she's gonna have to keep me well feed at all times. That's the trade off.

Lastly, SPAM is [Bleeeeep!] delicious and I don't care what's in it. Jalapeno SPAM is a staple in my outdoor kit. Broodbuster and I carried in a 1/2 dozen cans 5 miles during archery Elk season an it was so worth the extra weight. Jalapeno SPAM and fresh Chanterelles all fried up in a skillet is a damn fine meal after a long day of hunting in the rain. Fvck you Mountain House!

I'm with ya about her smile. I can't see it from behind anyway.
Teriyaki spam, scramby eggs and white rice is fvckin bomb.

Valid points all around. I wonder if Giada has ever had any salty SPAM meat in her mouth? Bet she's like it and asks for seconds.

lol - new board motto?

Lower those standards and a whole new crazy sick world will open up!

My wife is the best cook on so many levels.

Yeah is she hot? Because my girlfriend can't cook for sh!t but she has big tits and is really cool. And she fvcks me

Lol.. I'm with ya avid, my old lady got some big ass tiddays and can't cook for [Bleeeeep!]. She can bake though, I'll give her that.
She's a fish slayer too..

Suckers. My ol' lady is a fantastic cook. She does all of the cooking, cleaning and yard work. Fishes and hunts. Provides.

Of course, she's my hand....so....

Lol.. At least your hand doesn't do any nagging.
Or gotta get hair and nails done..lol

What happens when it doesn't put out?

I slap her around with my other hand until she straightens out. We have an understanding in place.

Left hand = Brunette named Crystal.
Right hand = Blond named Bambi.
Both hands = Redhead named Tammi.

Tammi is a CRAZY bitch.

Aren’t they all? Fricken redheads... next time just shoot me.

Mmmm...Daddy likes redheads, and likes having at least one in the fold at all times.

Sorry to ruin the thread by pointing out that I have a super hot lady at home who also happens to be an excellent cook...she even sends us along to hunting camp loaded down with home cooked meals.

Fish on...

Todd

Is her name Mom?

LOL. I was fully prepared to post a personal preference for the "Great British Baking Show," but upon reading a couple posts, I quickly learned this was NOT a thread about our favorite cooking shows. Indeed, this may be the best confirmation we've gotten in some time that toxic masculinity is still alive and well here. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Shine on, Dark Side!

And yeah... Giada de Laurentis is pretty hot.

Finally, for the weirdos out there who watch cooking shows for the food, and while there's nobody on there I'd like to smash, the Great British Baking Show is really good. I can't bake for chit, but I like watching other people who can. Plus, as with most genres, the Brits just make a damn good cooking show.

Nope.
Nope.
Nope.

She's much too smart to actually show up at deer camp. She just sends her delicious treats with Todd and I eat them. As far as camp bitches are concerned, we have Ryley and his whiny man-tits. Not great by any means, but we make do.

And Hank, you'll be happy to know that Jalapeno SPAM & Idaho instant mashers is on the menu for this weekend's Elk camp. Gotta keep the chute lubed from an over abundance of jerky & trail mix. All these fancy Chefs ain't got nothin' on Hormel.

yeah been there done that

lol.



No.

Lol..I'm dyin over here.
Helps all those protein-trail mix pinecones slide out.

Yes it most certainly does!

I really learned my lesson before in what I now refer to as the "no good, very bad stick incident". Never fookin' again. I'll just shoot myself on the spot instead.

"A can of SPAM a day, keeps the sticks away".

Learn from me.

There's nothing wrong with Spam. Unless you're a pansy ass. I do prefer the low-sodium variant. Regular Spam is a little salty for my liking.

Fry it up, put a couple eggs on top. Easy, filling, and cheap.

Talk sh!t about Spam in Alaska or Hawaii and you're going to get your ass kicked. They take their Spam seriously there.

Pansy ass

10 years off and on again and I jump right back into that fiery pit of despair if I hadn’t intentionally burned that bridge this time. I think of it like an addiction to heroin (not that I’d know)... the highs are super natural and the lows are all-consuming. I just had to get away.

They are CRAZY tho. It just isn’t good for me. Worth it? Absolutely. I just can’t lie to myself anymore that she is capable of being normal.


BTW She doesn’t cook.

Way too over simplyfied response, but do what makes you happy.

Spam. Slice it thin. Fry it crispy. Toast some sourdough. French's yellow mustard. Don't be a puss eat that shizz

Calm down old man. I don't think anyone here is suggesting that SPAM should replace fresh bacon. That would be foolish, illogical and nonsensical. These are words I'd like to think you'd understand, but considering your exhaustive posting history, I'm not so sure, so I'll put it in terms you can understand.

We can all agree that fresh homemade applesauce is pretty sublime correct? But sometimes the "cooks" in your "home" don't have the ingredients or time to make it for you, so you get Motts instead. Motts is a perfectly acceptable substitute for you to gum on. Not as great as fresh of course, but it's good enough after a long, hard day yelling at the clouds. The syphilis has killed off your taste buds anyway, so just dig in and zip it.

Get it now? OK good. Now grab a steel plate and get back in-line before we are forced to call Nurse Ratchet and her magical syringe. After lunch, we'll be playing Chutes & Ladders and Hi-Ho Cherry-O with the ladies from C Wing. Winner gets an extra cup of Motts at dinner. Better bring your A game, because ol' Ruthie and Dorothy are stone cold ringers.

I eat tuna.
Even with Ketchup.

I think Hank missed one of Spam's key attributes. Spam will never replace bacon cuz, well nothin's better than bacon. But even as a smoked meat item, bacon has to be refrigerated. So as a camp food, bacon is only good for shorter hikes. Spam is canned, and does not need refrigeration. So Spam is perfect for camping; it'll keep forever. And no one goes camping that long, what with deer and elk season combined being only a few weeks long. And Spam is even available in small slice packages, so you can cook it up out in the woods, bait a bear, and not have an empty tin can to pack out.

And Avid had it close, except no French's yellow mustard ever never! Yuck, what putrid stuff. Have some class, man. Every classy camp box is equipped with Plochman's stone ground mustard, which has a bit of horseradish, making it the perfect accompaniment to Spam and damn near any kind or piece of camp meat. Except bacon, of course. No civilized person uses mustard on bacon.

Well played. I kinda leaned into that one.

Hank doesn't know anything about camp food because he's a pussy city boy.

Rumor has it for makin bacon Hank uses Spam in the palm of his hand and then wears the can as a hat.

OK - I rarely blush, but that one but me over the top. LMAO you dirty ol' bassturds. Well done.

Only if you bring a can of Vienna sausages. Hanker won't eat SPAM but he'll gobble up your Vienna sausages with a quickness. It's not that he doesn't like the taste of SPAM, it's because its shape is not in the usual and accustomed form which he so readily accepts. He'll really love you if you pick up one of those gigantic Hickory Farms summer sausages. He'll even leave one of those Strawberry candies on your pillow upon exit.

Hankster has gone vegetarian.
He prefers oil simmered zucchini, with warts, and a large gourd end.
Kinda reminds him of his days at the thoroughbred farm less the preservatives of course.

Don't try and act like you made that,and that your kitchen looks even remotely that clean and nice.

I would do bad things to that sammich. It looks like it has some sort of chutney or relish. Maybe some sort of a savory tomato or pepper based concoction. Regardless...get in ma' belly.

Broodbuster accidentally spilled SPAM grease on the ground directly in front of my tent during early Archery season. I made him dig the soil out!

Dude, SPAM grease is an industrial-grade lubricant. You should have sequestered it in case of societal collapse. I get where you're coming from, though - it definitely doesn't belong in the entrance area of any housing unit at all.

The only bears Hank has to keep an eye out for over his shoulder are the ones from Sausalito issuing reach arounds.

I'd wager Hank keeps TWO eyes out for those kinda bears. Gaydar pinging 24/7.

I saw on a documentary once that those kinda bears are attracted to fresh sourdough and sweaty old man butt. I think it was narrated David Attenborough.

The art of deflection -By Hank

Do you even fish,bro?

When I find myself with bears aplenty, I never never carried any fish rod smaller than a 9wt or a 9.5' spoon rod.

Those bears are tiny compared to a brown,and pretty shy of people. I did have one in Del Loma follow me downriver from the other bank, Made me a little nervous.
You lived in Hoopa? Why?

You fail here daily. I will help you out. Hank was wanking to this as a youngster...

brown gravy?

With salt.

How does he get those bracelets over his wrist?