Social Distancing - A Daily Tracker for Prosterity

Social Distancing - A Daily Tracker for Prosterity

Captains Log | Stardate 03.05.2020

Today begins our official start in joining greater society's grand experiment of "Social Distancing" AKA "Operation Fvckoff". I no longer have reason to venture into this contaminated unknown world and as such, will remain in my earthen habitat until further notice. Outside comms are in good standing. Supplies are stocked and spirits are high. My men (dogs) are eager and willing to take this journey with me. They are of resolute stature, sound mind and aim to serve me well. I look forward to their continued service and companionship.

To be certain, it is a long journey ahead for us, but with consistent internet access, good supply rationing, plenty of lube and positive outlooks, I feel that we will no doubt be successful in our endeavors. Until tomorrow's entry, I wish thee well.

Yours truly,

Captain NapD90
Starship Eat-a-Dick

My tech company not only recommends that all employees work from home, they have asked anyone over 60 to NOT come to the office at all.

Lots and lots of tech companies have canceled their annual conferences or might do them virtually at least.

Captain Nap90, best of wishes on your journey into the security of sanitation. May your alcohol be stout and refreshing, your lube be smooth and subtle, and your dogs remain best of friends. By the time you have to return back to civilization, there may be nothing left resembling life as you know it....welcome to Rich G's America

I have been taking full advantage of this and will isolate all weekend . People bother me anyway. I Just heard this actual conversation between some dude and some lady. Dude " what are you doin just standing here waiting for this place to open?" Woman "yeah" dude " its closed?"

No you stupid [Bleeeeep!] its open. How have we lasted this long as a species? I really believe most people have no brain. Just retardation.

Lol so true. People ask me questions all the time when the answer is plainly obvious right in front them. We have been trained to be so obedient, we don’t even try to think anymore.

Had a guy act like I was glowing with contamination his morning at Fred Meyer.
After he backed away the second time I told him "I'm not contaminated".

Social distancing has been in existence for years here Nick.
The Seattle Freeze is real, lol!
SF

Everyone hates each other in California. It's amazing to me when people are nice to me. I'm on a scale of 10 being friendly and 1 being a complete dick and a recluse about a 5,maybe 6 on
a good day. Today I feel like a 3. Btw I'm running a crew,painting doors,figuring out how to leave town,and taking a dump,all while posting this . Amazing ,I'm a multi tasking master!

Starship Eat-a-Dick, this is Darkside Command. Captain NapD90, You copy?

Awaiting further daily report.

Darkside Command, Over.

*************************************

Did we lose contact with Captain NapD90 already?

We lost contact with Shoved-Up-Your-A$$ yesterday.

Damn. First it was Shoved-Up-Your-A$$ and now it's Eat-a-Dick.

Note: Darkside Command will remain at post for the duration. Good luck to all of you, and fingers crossed that the virus only kills the •bad• 4% of you here on the Darkside.

Darkside Command Out.

For some reason that reminds me of the National Car rental commercial where he talks about skipping the counter, "I don't have to talk to any humans if I don't want to...and I don't."


BTW, I chose National a couple times so I don't have to talk to any humans...but there's a catch. Sure, you skip the counter, but the counter just gets moved to the car lot exit...where you sit in a longass line to GTFO.

Darkside Command, this is Captain NapD90 from Starship EAD. I say, Darkside Command, this is Captain NapD90 from Starship EAD.

I read your copy. Confirmed, I read your copy. I was napping sir. Red Zone habitat is secure and all systems operational. I'm going to go back to napping now sir.

I will submit my daily Captains Log report post Reveille.

Captain NapD90
Starship Eat-a-Dick

Over & Out

*************************************

Captains Log | Stardate 03.06.2020

"Operation Fvckoff" is underway! It's is my pleasure to report that my men and I have made our first full day contained within the habitat, a highly successful one. Prior to 03.05 lights out, we partook in a human documentary called 'Ford v. Ferrari'. It was quite entertaining and enjoyable. Intermission brought treats of various sorts, which the men found delectable.

Upon this 'morns Reveille, I awoke and pooped. Throughout the day we accomplished many great things in preparation of our long journey. However, we did find enough time to steal a mid-day slumber, which the men appreciated. Chow this evening will be chicken pot pies & rocky road ice cream. Further, we've made plans to watch another human documentary called 'Parasite'. It has human Asians and parasites in it. What could go wrong?

On a high note, we did receive comms from Darkside Command and the honorable General Jackhammer. It's good to receive word from the Mother Ship in these trying times. I shall attempt to hale the good General tomorrow. Until then...

Yours truly,

Captain NapD90
Starship Eat-a-Dick

Not much to report here in East Jefferson County. One positive patient in the local hospital. Plenty of food, not much bear or spirits on hand, got some cannabis oil though I have saved for a rainy day. just waiting and watching at this point, nothing else to do really.

Just drank some fancy vitamin powder and water. Gonna dig a clam and gum the chit out of em when hot.
I'm good.

What kind of clam are you gumming?

You need to ask?
Oh my.

Clean the sand out first

1 star

Captain not NapD90 reporting.

Also bunkering down. Tonight's Quincy Jones ribs were killer. Gonna run out of beer one day. That'll suck.


Starship Blow Me, out.

Captains Log | Stardate 03.08.2020

I took a break from my Captains' Log yesterday to further focus on tidying the habitat. For the second night in a row, comms went down during peak transmission times. Unsurprisingly, calls to interplanetary comms service station Frontier Communications have not been overly successful. I hope this does not cause further problems, as entertainment, is critical for moral during trying times.

Rations are in good supply. The men and I have been eating well as always. I did have to don my contamination suit yesterday and venture forth out into the Red Zone yesterday for additional smoking and habitat decontamination supplies. It was rather quiet and uneventful in the Red Zone.

Today, we worked hard again at making the habitat as clean as possible, but I'm afraid we still have a long ways to go. The men are eager to finish so they can get back to napping.

Yours truly,

Captain NapD90
Starship Eat-a-Dick

Friend of mine just brought me a bbq'd t bone,grilled potatoes and sparagus.

You mean "Friend of mine just hand-delivered coronavirus"?

NapD90...now would be a good time to quit smoking ...better for you in more ways than usual.

Fish on...

Todd

Ahead of you on that. It's in process.

Smoking is the drizzling shits.

Starship Eat-a-Dick, this is General JackHammer of Darkside Command. Captain NapD90, You copy?

Awaiting further daily intel reports of Operation Fvckoff.

Please be advised that our long range, temporal scanners are picking up outbound ship activity from the Planet Mesohorny. Our spies are reporting outbound ships containing enemy combatants disguised as "Super Hot Asian hookers from Shenzhen." Darkside Command is recommending you rendezvous with only the "top floor" ship, as this will be the premier lead ship. Arrange to meet with the highest ranking officer of the ship and take her back to a secluded room that doesn't smell of bleach. The highest ranking officer will be recognized by the "extremely fvcking hot disguise". It is recommended you seclude yourself with this officer and use your mobile translator for this meeting. It is also strongly advised you do not partake in any food, drink or other offerings while on lead premier ship

DO NOT attempt to make physical contact with these beings. They are known carriers of the MexicanBeer Virus. If you must rub on out near or on one of these officers, please disinfect your entire body with rubbing alcohol. At this time, we are unable to discern what exactly is underneath their disguise, but you may need to wash your eyes out with bleach in cases of extreme emergency.

Gather as much intelligence as you can, including photos, and we await your further reports. Please refer to Paragraph 3, Section 69 on your Officers Code Handbook that states: "Pics, or it didn't happen."

Good luck and God Speed Captain NapD90 and the crew of the Starship Eat-a-Dick.

General Jackhammer and Darkside Command, Over.

*************************************

Here's a great tip from an ex-smoker. ( 8 years now.) Once you are over it, you can NEVER have a single cigarette again...ever.

I had quit a bunch of times before this 8 year success and each time I failed was cuz I thought, 'I could have just one'. Buzzz. Incorrect.