Pffffft. What a rookie.

I killed a bear with my loose leaf notebook once.

What a great story that is! Paker and I get lost in the wilds near Seattle late one night. Out of nowhere, this big ol' bear charged and attacked Paker. He got up on top of Paker and just went to town. Paker was just screaming and moaning and calling out in desperation "Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus!". It was horrific and disturbing to say the least. I had no choice but to roll up my notebook and take that bear out. Whack! Whack! Two solid hits and I killed that sumbitch dead. Paker went into total shock. Just laying there on his stomach with a big ol' wide grin and laughing uncontrollably. It was so sad to see him that way. I desperately called out for help! Thank goodness the authorities were "Johny-on-the-spot" and quickly rushed to Paker's aid. Paker now owes me and the Cap Hill PD with saving his life. True story.