As a Scot I can tell this joke with pride:

Ya know why us Scots wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper at 500 yards.


Hey_Y'All sent me a picture of his latest lady friend. I gotta hand it to him, she's got lovely blonde hair flowing down her back. Unfortunately there isn't any on her head. It's only down her back.

I'm not saying that she is cross-eyed exactly, but every time she cries that blonde hair of hers gets wet. Y'all said it was some sort of bacterial problem.