First, I think that new Doge Ball movie looks dang funny, but I'll probably wait to see it on video\dvd...

With that in mind, I wanted to share this article a friend pointed me to. Did you ever play dodge ball? Did you love it or hate it?

==============================

There is a slight tremor in liberal America this morning. An institution that has been loved by millions in the past and had been systematically destroyed by the types who would believe that such institutions are mean is back. No, I'm not talking about marriage between a man and a woman. I'm talking about dodge-ball.

Recently, intellectual "know-betters" have been telling kids they can't play dodge-ball because it's immoral. This from a bunch of people who think Jim and Bob should be allowed to fornicate on the steps of the Massachusetts court house steps.

The "We are smarter than you" crowd has told the rest of us that dodge-ball is violent. Funny how these types have had so little to say about Saddam Hussein et al. These are also the ones who thought Pat Tillman "got what was coming to him".

Liberals oppose dodge-ball, they tell us, because it isolates and terrorizes the weak. Of course, they have the right to kill children still in the womb who have no way of protecting themselves.

The "its not fair crowd" always yells and screams about dodge-ball because not everybody wins. This is the purpose of games right? Not to push yourself to be more alert, active, hard working and achieve success, but rather it should always be about giving "every kid a trophy" ... "Why can't we all be winners?"

The communist left wants to make a big deal about how in dodge-ball one team might hoard all the resources. I mean if a kid is fast enough, he may be able to, once the whistle is blown, sprint to mid-court and knock all the balls back in the direction of his teammates so they have all the "weapons" and the other team has none. I don't know if that's a military strategy or an economic one – though it sure sounds a lot like Ronald Reagan to me – and we all know how insulting that is.

The politically correct "speech sheriffs" will claim that dodge-ball allows one side to taunt the other. I mean, Heaven itself would fall if one kid ever said to another "Hey you – I'm gonna get you this time so ... take that!" (as the "weapon" is hurled at the "victim" on the other team).

We all know it's these kinds of kids who grow up to humiliate prisoners in our prisoner of war camps. And when the taunting does occur, it makes the "victim" of the taunting want to respond even more harshly.

What few people know about Al-Zarqawi is that he was a repeatedly victimized child in dodge-ball through out his early years. His teachers told him not to worry about childhood games. They never knew he would grow up to make such a fine terrorist and be so handy with blades.
They also say dodge-ball picks on fat kids ... er, I mean, "young persons who are slow of foot."

But since they usually get knocked out first – doesn't that mean they get to be first in line for the snacks? In my mind, it's kind of like an obese person's affirmative-action program!

They say it's insensitive to "Native Americans." I mean, how else can you explain the ball being the color red?

They say it's sexist. Why else do the guys try to knock out the girls right after they knock out all the fat kids ... er ... "young persons who are slow of foot"?

They say it's forced religion. After all, the act of "throwing the ball in the direction of an actual person" is quite similar to the act of "stoning" that was carried out in biblical times. But since we all know biblical times never occurred, then you are forcing me to see a demonstration of something I never believed happened.

They say it's not religiously inclusive. For instance, why can't we call a time-out, face east and recite our Muslim prayers?

They say it's complete racism. Some of the teams – especially in these new leagues – are actually all white people. (All black, Latino or Asian teams, though, are not racist because they aren't white.) And on the teams that are mixed, well we all know the reason the non-whites are on the team is because the whites just want to appear as though they aren't racists. We all can see that all whites are racists, right?

And the critics would probably also say that, in the end, dodge-ball is most offensive because – well – President Bush once played it when he was a kid, and that means that ultimately "big oil" must be getting a cut of the take off the production of the red-rubber balls. It's also true that John F. Kerry played it once, but then he saw the light and threw his big red-rubber ball over the fence. Actually it was just the box that his big red-rubber ball came in and not the actual red-rubber ball itself.

Finally, we can be assured of one other thing. If there are injuries to either the players of the newly revived dodge-ball leagues or the facilities they play in, Dick Cheney will secretly agree to a deal that allows Halliburton to do all the reconstruction work – whether they submit the lowest bid or not.

Yep, it's dodge-ball ... and it's the end of the world as we know it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin McCullough