Well Dogfish gets my vote. But only if I get to help by being a judge. My decision making process would be quite simple. It would consist of a flowchart. On the first box it would say:

"Did the person commit the crime?"
If no then proceed to release. If yes, then proceed to next box.

"What was the crime?" Consult simplified accusations manual.

Did someone else get hurt? If yes, see punishment 1.
Did someone else die? If yes, see punishment 1
Did suspect do anything to a kid? If yes, see punishment 1.
Did they steal something? Meaning, did they not ask for what they took? If yes see punishment 2.
Was it a horse? If yes see punishment 1.

Punishments found on page two.

Pg. 2

Punishment 1:

Death by public execution, decided by immediate family members of victim if victim is unable to decide or too pussy liberal to sentence death. Executioner will be decided by competition between most eager members. Competition matter based on what judge sees fit i.e. game of dodge ball, circle track race on chariot, gladiatorial games, etc.

Punishment 2:

Dismemberment of guilty party's selected body part. Selectee will lose part based on the affected party's choice. Only one body part shall be selected per offense.

Any questions?