A small zoo in Forks, Washington, obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.

The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available to service her.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Danny Irie, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Danny Irie, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Danny I. was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500?

Danny Irie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First," Danny Irie said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second," he said, "she must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third," he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth," Danny H. Irie said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

"And last," Danny H. Irie said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500."