You might be a Walmartian...

if three generations of your family have been "feature creatures" on peopleofwalmart.com.

if your last two Black Friday shopping sprees ended with a medivac trip to a trauma center.

if a cell phone picture of your buttcrack has gone viral on a popular internet website.

You might be a Walmartian...

if you met your current wife and her extended family while checking out titles in the $5 dvd bin. The chance meeting having occurred when you both reached for the same copy of "Lassie, Come Home!"

if your wife's parents insist on coming over everytime you and the "little woman" decide to watch a PG-13 movie at home.

if you once entered a Walmart intending only to buy milk, but emerged with your credit line in shambles, two carts full of rollback priced bargains, and a 60" backlit LED flatscreen for your singlewide.

You might be a Walmartian...

if you know six Walmart associates by their first name. Chances are they don't know your first name, but they could pick your buttcrack out of a police lineup.

if you can walk your Walmart merchandise through the checkstand and simply say, "Put it on my tab!"

if the best financial advice you ever received from your parents was, "If it ain't rollback priced, don't buy it...filch it!"

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Attn: Walmart shoppers, don't take this too seriously. Hell, I go to Walmart, myself. In fact, I'm headed there right now to pick up some milk.