"a story about a parrot"

In the interest of attempting to boost this thread into the PP hall of fame,and at Dan S request, a parrot story. Granted, this is not in the category of a former PP poster's (rip) parrot story, it's my story and I'm sticking to it.
About 1990, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life and caught an escaped blue front amazon parrot that was trying to eat sunflowers in the back yard. It hates me & loves my wife. I came home from work, changed into sweats and as I rounded the corner back to the living room the s.o.b. was out of his cage, on the floor and laying for me. By the time I saw him, he'd latched on to each leg of my sweat pants and was trying to climb up. He end up hanging on to each leg of my sweat pants about knee high and was lunging at my crotch trying to get a piece of me. My wife was rolling on the floor laughing. I swatted at him a couple of times, yelled at my wife to get the mfer off me before I wrung his neck. She grabbed him, put him back on the floor on the other side of the room and he came back after me. I went into the garage to get away from him until my wife put him back in his cage. As close as I've ever come to being a eunuch. We still the vile creature because my wife likes him and if she's happy so am I.