In the last decade while you've been unemployed you must have forgotten how the whole job search thing works. Unfortunately in your position (unskilled and likely not hireable) you don't just get to decide where your going to work before you even apply anywhere. Since you don't have a resume your best bet will be to fill out a generic application and carpet bomb western Washington with copies of said application.

I also suggest not involving yourself in your girlfriends career. This means under no circumstance should you apply where she works. Not only will you not get hired but she may just get fired for the association.

Congrats on the wheels. Sorry about the humpies, you must have killed those thinking they were coho?