Mother of God....I would just stroke out dead.

When I lived in South Carolina, I went to do my business one fine morning, dropped trou and took a seat. Looked over to my left and next to the bathroom trash can sat Mr. Copperhead. I've never pinched off a loaf so fast in my life. I may have even dropped one as I was running down the hallway, but that's not officially confirmed. That little bastard took 3 shots from a .22 pellet rifle from behind the bathroom door to put down.

NOPE - F' that business. Out!