I want to bring all of you new members (Numbers 60 or later) up to speed on Board Policy regarding Zipperlip Rivers for the Piscatorial Pursuits Board.

Most of you are probaly not aware of an appointment that was made several years ago by the founder of this Board.

In a very smoky, closed door room, rank with corruption, I was appointed as Global Vice President of Zipperlips by Mr. Ball and Mr Alger.
It was very ugly and evil.


Board Policy on these matter reads as such:

Comments and remarks about ALL Zipperlips are to be reported to me directly via e-mail. Methods employed, bait/tackle used, tide information, times fished, GPS coordinates, etc to each pristine location are to be forwarded to yours truly immeadiately without question.


After all information has been screened, I will personally travel to said location and verify it's authenticity. If you are lying, I will let you know. After such time, I will promptly return to my PC and deal with all of the dam Hooligans on this board.

If you screw with me, you will wake up with a Great Lakes crusty king head under the covers of your bed. Don't make me angry. I am not to be tested on this matter.

Well that MADE my day!!!!!

Gee Mr. Hawk,

You seem to be the all knowing "Guru" of these Steelhead critters. I was wondering if you could tell me when this run thing starts? Now, I don't need to know the exact time, just what day it will be and what bait to use, etc.
Since everyone tells you all their secrets, maybe you wouldn't mind if I just followed you around and stand reeeal close to ya. Heck, I'd even be willing to share some soda and vienna sausages. If ya happen to fall in the river, I'd even being williing to throw you that inflateable pig so's you wouldn't drown.

Hawk,

Man, am I glad I found you. I've been wondering who to report my latest zipperlip discovery. You might want to check out the Euphrates River or even the Tigris just outside of Baghdad. I hear they are killing 'em out there.
Keep us posted.

Hey Hey Hawk!! Gr8 Post! Could use a lot more fun stuff like that and not so much seriousness....guess the lousy river season lately has got a lot of people cranked out.

:p ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ :p

Hawk,
As any head of a major project will tell you, delegating responsibility is fundamental to success.
I will handle any resposiblities with vigor and enthusiasm!
RSVP with any opportunities that arise.

Well Mr. Ironhead.

I checked out your last little spot, and it was a verfied Zipper. Good enough to have to shake off a few biters until the crowd left. It has been two years since you produced a Zipper that was worthy of my presence. You will get no more Vienna Sausages until you prove that this was not a fluke. Any self respecting idiot knows that the Great Lakes steelhead run on the Root River starts every year on March 15th at 2:00 p.m on the upstream side of concrete slab on the hotel side of the river. Oh, and yes, you'll need chartreuse,cerise, flame yarn. Otherwise known as Chef Salad by fishermen in the know.

I have fished the junction of the Tigris and Euphrates. I found it to be not to my liking, as I could not find a suitable tackle shop that would provide me with the gear neccesary to fish in the proper manner. I left immediately as the shop owner Sadamma Bin Laden called me a nate killing, beach draggin, barb hooked,poaching, knotted net, Orca hating, sockeye keeping, van stealing, black box hording, bonkin, bait using, boat swamping, drone loving, seal kissing, rusty Vision hook, flossin long leader using pig fisherman. (wow, that tirade even impressed me)

As for the rest of you, I may have to ban you from the board until you produce. I see all these reports of big fish, with little to no information as to where the catches can be verified. I will not tolerate such behavior for long, as my patience is wearing thin.

Peace Boys. Just remember all the biatching is about fishing. There are no body counts. It is a recreational activity. There are a lot more important things going on in the world that demand our energies instead of ragging on each other.

Hey Hawk,

You're not from around these parts are ya. I can tell; you've actually got a sense of humor. It's either that or you're not drinking enough Starbucks.

Our problem out here right now is the weather is balmy, the rivers are in great shape and the smack is thick in preparation for the upcoming BM derby. Maybe you could come out and referee, I mean officiate. I hear they are holding it at a zipper pond out here.

Hawk...I must say...I do enjoy your rivers being frozen over...much more of your amusing and entertaining posts...keep it up!!

Hawk,

Maybe you should see about a live stand up comedy chat on this board or something? Way to keep it real and fun!

Cheers, Darin

Well done Hawk, I noticed that you conveniently left out the mention of your sidekick .... the inflatable sex pig

Without her, your ideas at the meeting would never have had a "leg" to stand on

That's a fine looking sow...

she got a sister?

Yes, she has a sister. A hot little porker, but unfortunately she talks. I like more of the strong silent type.

Bob: You should have left her out of it. I didn't want to have to divulge that you voted me in alone. Rat was all tied up with my pig, and too busy to cast his vote.

By the way, she misses Captain Bill horribly and has been crying every night since we came back from Alaska. Every night I wipe the tears off her sweaty little jowls. I don't know what the two of them( Bill and Piggy) did in the mainquarters, but he left a hell of an impression on (in) her. She keeps squealing for sweet William, and yelling "help me Art". Whatsup wid dat?

lol this thread was good for a laugh.

~MATT