I've read this one before but came across it today and laughed again. Thought I'd share.



Actual letter from someone who farms, writes well and tried this!

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.

I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right upand sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the bloodflowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature offthe end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death.

so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to go back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead.

My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal--like a horse--strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from ahorse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a large caliber rifle with a scope to sort of even the odds.

All these events are true so help me God...

LMAO,,

Ok another I've read before that made me laugh....






Subject: Elk rasslin tips 101

First off many of ya are aware I recently had a goround with a critter that
resulted in my endin up in a hospital.

Now for those of ya who Darren notified of my accident I want to say thanks for your prayers, Those what don't know what happened well I shot me a 1200+ pound elk bout a week ago, 25 yards thought it was a double lung hit but snow was commin down pretty good an as later discovered the arrow actually went right between the lungs clipped the heart an exited just ahead of the right shoulder. It took me an my partner about an hour to locate the critter piled up in the bottom of a narrow ravine, I gave David my bow while I went to pose for a picture with the critter, well that big ol'fella wasn't much into havin his picture took cause when I was bout 5 feet from him he come up off the ground an started arguin with me bout it, I tried to get him to look towards the camera by grabbin his antlers an twistin his head around a lil but he didn't care for that either an forced me to kick his front leg an wrestle him back down to the ground, now this has always worked with cow critters so I didn't see a problem, we was discussin the picture takin idea when my partner gets a lil over excited an whacks the elk with MY bow not once but several times (that indian just ain't never learned ya can usually talk anyone into posin for a picture long as ya don't whack em with a bow) Well the elk critter got mad over bein whacked an decided to hook me a couple times with his antler whilst pretty much layin atop me, this forced me to have to remind him of the age old adage "Never take an antler to a gun fight" o.k maybe ya white folks ain't never heard that one but its very popular amongst us indians. I yelled at David to stop whackin the elk (and subquently me) with my favorite bow an get clear, at the same time I reached around mysellf an got my .357 mag outa the holster aimed it as well as I could towards the critters head (try aimin a gun behind your back sometime while layin on that arm its great fun) fired 4 or 5 shots, well the elk died pretty fast with most of his head shot off, but one of the bullets richocheted an hit me in the pevis bounced round to my hip an somehow ended up in my butt (least thats the excuse the doctors gave me for them puttin 15 stiches there) well after tryin to talk the elk into posin for the picture I was pretty tired an decided it was a good time to take a nap, I had the strangest dream of an indian draggin me behind a horse over every rock an tree he could find while I was nappin I know it was a horse couse even on his worse day Dave ain't never farted as bad as no horse.

The doctors decided they wanted some pictures of me (I don't understand why seein the elk wasn't in none of the pictures they took) so they flew me around Oregon lookin for a camera to take pictures with (I coulda told em there was a Wal-mart just down the road if they woulda just asked) I did notice somethin suspicouse in one of the pictures of my head thoough, when the doctor turned the picture backwards I coulda sworn them wierd marks on my head were the letters PSE now this is a very intriuging clue seein as how my bow has them same letters on it, I will discuss this with David when I'm feelin a lil better.

All said an done I got a busted wrist from shootin from a bad angle a few cracked ribs several bite marks 6 or 7 antler holes 1 bullet hole the holes account for a grand total of 147 stitches an a major headache, my bow got 2 busted cables a cam was lost an the cams axle mount is all busted up, my favorite .357 just needs cleanin, my elk got mostly ate by critters but David did recover alot of the meat an my antlers I do need some tips though bout how to best glue the antklers back together one of the bullets blew off a whole branch an Dave busted off many of the tines while field testin my bow for durability now ya taxidermist types would know if super glue will work for puttin em back together again.

I'm doin alright (got me a bunch of pain pills) I blew the quitin smokin after I got here since I strongly believe the critter just didn't want to pose in a picture with a non smoker, this has brought me to another thought I think I'v figured out where it is them elk are when we can't see em......they is hiding havin them a ciggarett I'm sure of it so folks instead of the usual deer style blind set ya up a ciggarett stand an they'll come runnin I betcha. For those who actually read this whole thing I will now reward ya with some prime elk wrestlin tips:

1. Elk are not impressed with how much martial arts training ya'v had so save your breath.
2. Do not kick an elk in the nose this will anger him.
3. Do not attempt to throw the elk prior to tying, the antlers hurt when they land on ya.
4. Do not let a life long recurve hunter use your compound they may become dissorientated and confused by the two extra bow strings an revert to cave man tactics of beating the elk with your bow as opposed to shooting it.
5. Elks cheat! They are not above biteing.
6. Carry more than one gun (2 ankle holsters, 2 hip guns and 2 shoulder rigs should be sufficient if ya don't mind feeing under armed) Use Magsafe ammo it won't richochet like hollow points will if they hit an antler.
7. This is very important, never never shoot yourself in the butt! .

If the above fails a nap is good.

Dewayne

Elk are pansies.


Been there, done that.

About 10 seconds later the bio in the background (girl in yellow), decided to check for pregnancy. Well, the cow was not all the way out, so I got to ride on the neck of a cow elk for 20 yards through the reprod. She didn't even know I was hanging on.

Where's the Rico vs. Emu story. . . . . . . . . ..

That deer story is a good one, picturing it all unfold is certainly a gut wrencher...

Keith

This is the best post....ever!

funny stories, I have not laughed that hard in a long time!

oldy but a goody!!!!! (adults only)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

..

.
.