1) Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.



2) Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.



3) Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the [censored] he wants.



4) Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.



5) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.



6) Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.



7) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.



8) Chuck Norris can speak braille.



9) Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.



10) Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.



11) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.



12) If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."



13) Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".



14) Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.



15) On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.



16) Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.



17) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.



18) Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.



19) Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.



20) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.



21) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.



22) Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.



23) Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.



24) Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.



25) If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's [censored] beef.

Yeah but he got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee the baddest of them all.

that was good!

+1

Bruce Lee. That's pretty much says it all.

Chuck also took lessons from Bruce.


Still, no comparison

I didn't know Chuck was Republican...

I've been think we should have Stam or Todd jokes to compete with Chuck Norris.

Ya know like, Todd doesn't catch steelhead in log jams.....his hook sets are so powerful trees fall creating log jams after he leaves

or.....

Stam doesn't use a rod to catch big steelhead.....he hold his arms over the water and they simply pose for pictures.....

OK, so they're not that good, but I'm giving it hell

JD

How about Jdarr doesn't catch big steelhead.....Todd and Stam do it for him.