Only In America
1. Only in America.....can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double
cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America do banks leave both doors open and
then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to
screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages
of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'
to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin
meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ~~~~
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of
that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite
of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and
that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter
special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
after heating." (...and you thought????..)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the
company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)
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