This person needs a job. This individual seeks an executive position.
He will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland,Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land and built a stadium using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and
that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S.Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

I am the first President in the history of the Industrial World to intentionally lower the wages of the citizens in his own country.


RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents
will not be available for 50 years.

"Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist
dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being
attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger."

-- Herman Goering at the Nuremberg trials

The FUBAR'ed thing is 30% of America still thinks he's the Best President Ever.

Those are the same people that think the Earth is 6000 years old, that abstinence only education works, and that abortion is "murder", while the murdering of hundreds of thousands is "national security"...

Oh, they also believe that G-Dumbya has brought "honor" to the White House.

Fish on...

Todd

His military record is also "missing" and don't forget the Enron electricity scam on us west coasters. If he isn't the anti-christ then the devil has to be real proud of him.

Simply the Best

You folks are way too hard on the prez. After all, I'm still stocking my 'fridge with that $300.00 tax rebate he mailed me a few years back....

Do you attribute that to bush or the liberal anti business govenors Washington as had since 2000? Or to the fact that some people make piss poor life decisons and want us as taxpayers to pay for it. I have a hard time feeling sorry for anyone who did every drug under the sun, knocked up there highschool sweet heart and whines because there GED won't get them anything beyond a Job at the local wallyworld!

You really have to work at it to get a resume like that

Oh no, no work involved. It came to him naturally.

I don't know about that I would say that 99% of the people I know have gotten jobs with in weeks of being on the market. I think the chronically unemployed are that way for a reason. People will be poor no matter who is the president. You can also thank Clinton for the issues that affect the economy today, Most economic factors take a couple of years to take affect.

I'm currently reading "The Best Democracy Money Can Buy". Interesting stuff. Sad, but interesting.

How about the new law that m'fin cocksucker% just signed in while a lot of congress and state representation was out on holiday break, completely taking away the second amendment right to bear arms if you are a disabled veteran with Post Traumatic Stress disorder status?? I'm steaming hardcore about this one that not many people seem to know about... What a dick... I'll be making a post on this one shortly...

WRO
Yup Clinton did it, you Tool

AuntyM-

Do you have a recipe for this koolaid you keep mentioning? While I enjoy playing devil's advocate, flat out hallucinating might not be bad once in a while

And if Carter had taken care of the Iranians on his watch, GWB wouldn't have to get tough with them now!

Psst... devil's advocate on my part - I don't drink the koolaid either!

I am not saying boy wonder is any better. Clinton let the stock market see its biggest boom in years without readjusting its growth. (i.e raising interest rates etc) Which in part lead to the stock market decline about the time Boy wonder took office. Then Boy wonder in all of his infinite wisdom, didn't raise interest rates to slow the real estate boom or do anything to curtail the slough of BS mortgages that were soon to follow leaving us with the housing slump and a glut of repossessions. One good thing about Boy wonders great policys is that the dollars value is falling which will make US made products stronger in the foreign market place. Its all fuct up, but to put the economic Blame directly on Boy wonders shoulders is a little much.

Learn basic economics Dickweed

They didn't plan it overnight it probably took years but it is neither presidents fault. It doesn't really get worse, it just affects sectors of the economy each time. They were both Fu*kin morons. IMHO we haven't had a good president since Regan. Don't kid yourself about carter, I can give you a list of people who lost there businesses directly because of Carters economic policy.

He made things worse, but somehow he's okay.. The basic premise of this whole debate here is what causes presidents to fail economically and there reactions to it.. He obiviously had quite a bit to do with it as it took Regan (or just the economy in general) to recover from it. No doubt the Nixon scandal was a mess as was iran contra, the world famous blow job, whitewater, and the current situation. It could be said that if carter took care of Iran than regan wouldn't have had to deal with it.

BTW I prefer Asshole to dickweed.. It just sounds better

Economists don't give many people alot of credit. I was an Econ Major in college for a while until I realized that it is most of it is theorhetical, then I became a business major which actually has some grounds in reason. Carter did make some bad decision as do all presidents. To be fair I hate everyone, just some more than others.

Economists don't run the economy, they nake theories on why the economy runs. I would be willing to bet that if you put 10 economists in a room they couldn't come up with a solid reason many economic happenings that they all agree on. Simple ones maybe, complete ones no way.

Bottom line is the next president will be fuct economically too as mis management by the FED and others in pursuit of instant gratification has left us a bit in a lurch for the forseeable future.. Those with Edcuation and flexibility will survive just fine, those that dont will have to adapt or enjoy welfare.


As for the Dave D comment
I had to pop back for the tool comment. I know juvenille yada yada yada.