B-run,

Well now I know how bad I don't have it. I was thinking 2 or 3 calls a week was too much. I was never close to my mom since childhood, and now she's 82. She's always been a bit narcissistic and manipulative. My step dad died almost 4 years ago, and Mom's been closer to me than ever before, when she used to call maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Clearly she needs a lot more help since she's alone, but I decided to be clear with her that I'm not about to be manipulated, but that I will help her with things that need doing. Fortunately it's worked, and we've got a better relationship than ever before, which really surprised me at first.

Every situation is different, and it's hard to say what will work best with your dad. The number of calls per day you describe is way over the top. I'd take the direct approach - explain narcissism and manipulation (laying guilt trips on others), and tell him it's his job to change or he won't have any friends left within his family. You might explain the rule of problem ownership too, and let him own his own problems and see how it goes. I feel for ya' man. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.