Enjoy

THE DARWIN AWARDS It's that time again! The awards this year are
> >classic.
> >These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
> >individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most
to
> >remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies and
> >Gentlemen...(drum roll... and envelope please) We present the 2001
> >"Natural
> >Selection" awards:
> > > > > 5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when
> >he
> >hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the
> >slope
> > on a foam pad.
> > > > >
> > The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
> >Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
> >Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
run
> >called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers,
> >said Lt. Mike Donnelley of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads
> > are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently
> >used
> >the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It
> >has
> >since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with
> >its pad removed.
> >
> > > > > 4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
> >disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
the
> >police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
> >without
> > paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics
> >removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
> >death.
> > > > > 3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
> >stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly
> >when it
> > fell on him.
> > > > > 2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
> >party, (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who
> >used the 22
> > bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
> >into
> >his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
> >teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap
as
> >a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
> >"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying
> >to
> >explode it." "It wouldn't go off
> > and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into
his
> >mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue
off,
> >Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with
> >extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
Area
> >Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
> >that,"
> >Payne said.
> >
> > > > > 1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an
> >Oregon
> >man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
> >will
> >be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
> >last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
> >anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grant's
> >Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the
> >arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1
> >millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and
> >Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw
at
> >the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10
> >inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet
> >somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
> >had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
> >killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had
> >been
> >drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No
> > charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
> >office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
> >
> > > > > Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend,
> >(the
> >late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a
> >local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no
> >tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be
> >easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They
pulled
> >their
> > pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who
was
> >100-pounds heavier than Mr.Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his
> >friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a
30-foot
> >drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
> >himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and
broken,
> >along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts.
> > Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some
> >bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he
> >removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
> >himself from he tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
> >bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the
> >protection of his shorts, a
> >holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing,
his
> >pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in
> >considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope and pull him to
> > safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly
> > driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck
into
> >reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing
> >him.
> >Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100
feet
> > from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries.
> >Upon
> >moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his
> >body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
> >dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. Congratulations
gentlemen,
> > you win!

Fishhead5

More of these, including past winners, can be found at the Darwin Awards website .

how about rpetzold for hooking himself in his sleep...just kiding

Well, I don't know about the rest of them but the first runner up (The arrow through the eye) is a true story. Only it happened about 15 years ago. I remember the story from the Oregonian when I was in college. They had a half page blow up of an x-ray they took. It showed the arrow going in his eye, through his entire brain and poking out the back of his skull. The only lasting damage was losing his eye, pretty amazing considering the arrow had one of those big three bladed hunting tips on it. I believe the real quote in big block print under the image was "I feel pretty stupid!"

Hey now those storys aren't funny......no wait they are!