Hey Pitch Pocket, Double Haul, and Cracker, I know this is gonna come as a surprise, but those stories in tabloid magazine like the National Enquirer probably aren't all for real. Yeah, they are written by people who get paid money for writing, but that doesn't mean they are based on fact, although that one out now with the 80 year old smoking monkey looks pretty real. (Please note the wink indicating a joke.)

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any person living or dead, is purely coincidental. Harmful if swallowed. Keep away from open flame. Keep away from children. May cause death or injury. Knife may be sharp. Boat may sink if operated in an unsafe manner. Keep hook away from eyes. Do not eat lead. DUH.