A serious answer to your serious question:

I am a former TSA officer, my wife and brother are currently serving as officers.

Same sex searches are required by federal law.

There are gay officers. The problem is that the public doesn't much care for a gay person touching them either. I have seen women ask for a supv. because there are some butch lesbians at the airport. might be PC, but judging by the public's response, not okee dokee.

The procedure used was scaled back to make the public happy. it worked, folks became more at ease with a less invasive pat down.
Then along came the underwear bomber. he watched how things were done and put his explosive where they don't search anymore. he used the wrong material, and when he he detonated his device, it caught fire and burnned his junk. Kinda poetic really.
Now they are back to the original search parameters.

the procedure involves sliding the palm of the hand on the thigh up towards the groin. the palm never leaves the thigh, therefore no grabbing, groping, or fondling of anything can happen. same with women's breasts. Slide the hand under the breast, palm toward the body. I was trained to do this in an extreme case where a female TSO was not available, all TSO's have the same training.
Try the method on yourself, ya cant grab anything.

There are a few cases ongoing rite now where it wasn't done according to Hoyle. Those TSO's will be fired and maybe prosecuted and sued civiy. The gov't offers no legal protection for not following the SOP.( standard operating procedure)

There was a cross dressing TSO that was caught searching a 12 yr old girl. He-it still had his man junk. Mom saw him and went ape chit. There is a lawsuit pending against the gov't and the airlines.