Steve,
Words can't express the loss you've experienced and the feelings you're having now. You said, "This is Hell." That's as accurate a description as any for what you're going through. I lost my mother in May, and remember the anger, grief, and loss I felt following her passing. It sounds like your father's death was sudden and unexpected; that makes it even harder to handle. I hope you have other family members to share your thoughts with. They'll need you, as much as you need them. Your grief and your tears are testimony to the depth of love you felt for your father. They're a natural and necessary part of the healing process as many members of this board could tell you. Let us know how you're doing.