Calm down old man. I don't think anyone here is suggesting that SPAM should replace fresh bacon. That would be foolish, illogical and nonsensical. These are words I'd like to think you'd understand, but considering your exhaustive posting history, I'm not so sure, so I'll put it in terms you can understand.

We can all agree that fresh homemade applesauce is pretty sublime correct? But sometimes the "cooks" in your "home" don't have the ingredients or time to make it for you, so you get Motts instead. Motts is a perfectly acceptable substitute for you to gum on. Not as great as fresh of course, but it's good enough after a long, hard day yelling at the clouds. The syphilis has killed off your taste buds anyway, so just dig in and zip it.

Get it now? OK good. Now grab a steel plate and get back in-line before we are forced to call Nurse Ratchet and her magical syringe. After lunch, we'll be playing Chutes & Ladders and Hi-Ho Cherry-O with the ladies from C Wing. Winner gets an extra cup of Motts at dinner. Better bring your A game, because ol' Ruthie and Dorothy are stone cold ringers.