Dude, SPAM grease is an industrial-grade lubricant. You should have sequestered it in case of societal collapse. I get where you're coming from, though - it definitely doesn't belong in the entrance area of any housing unit at all.
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She was standin' alone over by the juke box, like she'd something to sell.
I said "baby, what's the goin' price?" She told me to go to hell.

Bon Scott - Shot Down in Flames