Sol Duc-
I could look at that girl all day with an amused sort of admiration but as an answer to a sincere question I think the video definitely lacks relevance. However, some dancing airhead might be perfect for you.





Sandu-
I have used this forum several times as a sounding board for equally, if not even more difficult topics and I commend your honesty. This board is a great source of info and advice and has never let me down.


I am not a religious person at all and that is exactly why my marriage fell apart; she found religion. I was raised or saturated in a strict Catholic environment and that is what just drove me away while she just kept getting more and more involved. Our resentments were such that we lived in separate ends of the house and otherwise she would stomp back and forth and slam cupboard doors. We tried counseling, five different ones actually, but it all came down to a mutual unwillingness to compromise and I regret not trying harder even though our principle issues were at a core level. Now, five years later, I am with an amazing gal and I have rebuilt my life but I would be lying if I didn't say my life and my kids lives would be profoundly better if my ex and I could have pulled it together. I hear the same type of opportunity and separation of interests in your story and that is the direction of my reply...


In my opinion, you made a promise to your wife and indirectly your daughter that, as a dad, it is your obligation to just try. Invest in your wife. Invest in your daughter. Find some common ground and maybe that is something as simple as a walk after dinner as was already suggested. Ask her what would make her happy and then do it together. I also wouldn't recommend confronting the weight issue directly- tell her YOU aren't happy and that you think you need to be more active, that YOU want to try a new diet, that YOU want to start a gym membership, it could be anything like country line dancing for Pete's sake... and you want her to come with you for moral support... that you NEED her help. Spend some positive time with her even IF that means watching Oprah. You could even use it as a bargaining tool- "I'll watch one episode of Oprah if you shut it off and come with me tonight."


In my experience there is no such thing as the grass is greener or that starting over is a better plan. Losing things your daughter ("joint custody" is a myth unless you actually live next door) money, retirement, friends, future etc are brutal.


I will also add, as a contradiction, that I stayed five years longer than I should have because I felt I was doing what was right or better for the kids and I was wrong. It was a misconception because our individual houses are happier now and so are they. They love visiting me and instead of spending lots of time together where everyone is tense or at odds, our time is completely positive. I guess when it is time to go, it is time to go.