If she is agreeable to the two of you getting marriage counseling, check to see if there is a man & woman team in your area. Transactional Analysis works well in cutting through the crazy $hit and finding it's roots. Having both a female and male counseling team seeing both of you at once, will offer a feeling of balance and trust. They can also image your actions and speech (role play) to illustrate how buttons get pushed and reality gets blurred. 35 years of practicing the same script requires good professional help in order to change. They will help you to understand and recognize the importance of observing the behavior, and careful listening is essential for breaking the cycle of dysfunctional communication. Less buttons get pushed when we are allowed to hear the crap we say to each other, thinking no harm is done.

Usually there are perceived scarcities at the core of most of most relationship problems. Things would be OK if only there was enough X,Y,Z. Note: Those variables are fluid and can change at anytime in order to maintain the premise that there is just not enough of something (?), and the other person is to blame for it. The economy is at the core of a lot of marital strife these day.

After getting an opinion from the professionals as to what is best for the two of you individually, you will feel better about the situation and better able to adjust in moving forward with your life. Besides, it will help to illustrate your willingness to give it your best shot. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship or marriage for the sake of adding to the number of years as a statistic, is not a good reason, and detrimental to ones health and longevity. BTW, I also recommend having a personal counselor of your choice in the event it looks like you need support in how to move forward with your life as a single, and in dealing with and X that may be bitter and angry; which by the way happens at times..