Sol,

If they’re bored, assign some work that has to be done “NOW!” Or if you’re not involved in a project of your own, ask them to join you. My oldest daughter and I made a model driftboat in the garage one time she started out bored. Let ‘em sand the project by hand.

Parker,

The “box” happened when they were both in elementary school. It really, really saved my sanity about crap strewn all over the house. But you have to be willing and able to be a consistent asshole about it, and boy, do they catch on fast.

B-run,

Hate to say it, but the 15 year old is being trained by someone to be the way she is. If she gets service for yelling “MOM!” 30 or 40 times, that’s training right there. When I write about how I was with my girls, it kinda’ seems like I was a real asshole, but if no one answered them after they yelled a name once or twice, I told them that means the person they’re seeking is out of ear shot, and the rules of problem ownership means the kid needs to go find that person and ask their question. Very easy to cure. When I yell, I can be heard in the next county. My kid yells for someone more than twice, and I go to them and yell at them until they cringe and admit that they understand yelling really isn’t so cool when someone else – like me – is doing it at them. Kinda' makes them disinterested in yelling the next time they want someone.

Money for b-day gift and pants? You don’t have to own these problems if you don’t want to. Does she have a budget for gifts, clothes, incidentals? If she did, she wouldn’t have to even mention it to you and could take care of it herself – assuming she manages her money responsibly. And if she doesn’t, well, let me refer again to the rules of problem ownership. Hell, I should write a book on this. Kids are so much more fun when they entertain you and can’t make most of these problems for you.

Whoa! I can’t believe the bit about your son. Sorry, but I’d a decked him. And if you want any respect for him, let him know that remark cost him that second year of college only because you’ve already paid for the first. Actually, any kid of mine said that, and I’d give ‘em the boot, and change the locks on the house doors, let ‘em see how they like paying their own rent. Just because he’s a football player, you can demand respect. It’s only right. You got something he wants, mainly money at this point it looks like. Tell him when he grows up and acts like he’s worth a dollar to you, you’ll consider investing that much in him. But why invest in his college to have him treat you like sh!t? I’m having a hard time with this story, and I really feel for you, B-run.

Solving the kid equation isn’t impossible. I think it’s love and discipline in equal measure, and damn little money, since they’re likely to spend it poorly – unless you do the budget thing I mentioned and refuse to bail them out when they screw up. Screwing up is one of the most valuable learning and growth experiences they will ever have.

Sincerely,

Salmo g.