I was reading back over my post, you know it's kind of like looking in the mirror thinking about how great I am, and it appears like I am some sort of grim reaper waiting to spit on my wife's grave. Nothing could be further from the truth, I hate waiting in long lines.

We've been together 17 years now and I can't help to think that if I strangled her when we first met, I'd probably just be getting out of prison right now. Like most people, we just got married because one day she called and said the doctor told her she was pregnant. My response was who's the father? She said the doctor didn't say anything about that part. It was then I knew I had a keeper.

Did you ever notice that women's younger sisters always lust after their older sister's man. One night before we got married, her little sister was standing there with a mostly empty fifth of whiskey in one hand, took me by the other hand, staggered down to her bedroom, flung her panties at me and propositioned me. She's younger, fitter and her tits were bigger so I thought about it for a minute, a real long minute, but then headed back to my car. Her dad was waiting for me at the car with teary eyes, whiskey sour in hand, .38 special bulging in his pocket, he said he was "happy I passed the test, finally his daughter had found a decent man and welcome to the family." I was speechless, all I could think of was good thing I keep the condoms in the glovebox.

We took a nice cruise for our honeymoon. When my wife asked me how I could afford such a luxurious trip, I told her that her father had bought the tickets. She remarked that was nice of him and wondered why he wasn't on the cruise ship. I said he's probably still at home looking for his tickets.

There is good and bad in life and in marriage, there always is a silver lining to every cloud. I come home and told her I wanted to relax and if anyone calls tell them I'm not home. Next thing the phone rings and the first thing out of her mouth was "my husband is home" so that's pretty bad right? That bitch never listens. Good news was the call was for her, not me.

Seriously though we were going to get divorced but we couldn't agree on it. I wanted to do it because I hate her because she is such a mean, nasty bitch. She wanted to do it because I can't satisfy her sexually. So to resolve it, we sought some advice from outside parties. My girlfriend says I can satisfy anyone but her, her boyfriend says nobody can satisfy her. My girlfriend says that our relationship she is the bitch but on the other hand her boyfriend says in their relationship he is the bitch. Therefore, we are still married.