I'm just going to leave this here.

I could have performed this study in 1.2 seconds and for a measly dollar.

Except Mermaids. Mermaids are real. I fvcked one down in the Keys after the bar one night next to my sailboat. They love scratches and having fresh water sprayed in their faces (amongst other things). She was kinda big, fat and slow but that's how I like em'. I barely noticed all the prop scars across her back. Her name was Mandy.