So my mean rooster story...

My old man was a Dentist. When he turned 35 (I think), his buddies bought a baby pig, bunches of chickens and ducks and free range released them in his dental office during business hours. Super brilliant and super dickish.

So, we ended up with all these critters back home on the farm. The chicks and ducks grew into fryer size and we had a big family event to slaughter and pluck. One chicken escaped the pen during this killin' madness and we were never able to catch it again. He lived and turned into a regal prick of a rooster.

This rooster, as most roosters are, was a complete cocksucker. He used to harass everything, especially our horses. Poor horses would get pecked to death by this thing and you could tell they hated this bird. Anyway, one day, Mom and I were cleaning out stalls and here comes this cocksucker. I was maybe in 1st grade, so I was little. So this bird was struttin' around and acting the arsehole to the horses. I tried pushing him away with the shovel and this prick just loses it. He climbed up on me and went straight for my eyes. Of course I start screaming for mom and running around with this jerk stuck to my head. My mom goes into mom mode and starts trying to knock this rooster off my head. She's screaming, I'm screaming and this Rooster is screaming. My dad, hearing the ruckus comes outside to see this Rooster molesting his only son. Nods his head, goes back inside for a moment and comes back out packing the 12 ga. He calmly walks across the yard, loading some shells. He gets up to us, knocks that bird off my head onto the ground and pops it point blank with that 12. BOOM! Feathers everywhere. No more rooster. My sisters cried because it was like their pet or something. Getting bloodied by that cocksucker was totally worth it to see my sisters bawl their eyes out. HAHAHAHA!!! I'm a good brother. The end.