If you knew me IRL you'd think I was the crazy one. My entire town thinks I am a dangerous crackpot. I feel like Elijah the Tishbite.

Everyone says they know the date it will happen and yet nothing happens, do you have any idea how long it's been? Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting? Well,do you!? Month after month, year after year, and it still doesn't happen! I survived the cold war, AIDS crisis, Y2K, global terror, war after war, Bird Flu, EBOLA outbreaks, SARS, FEMA camps, black helicopters, the end of the Mayan long count calendar in 2012 and they kept telling me "any day now, soon it will all end!" Surely this will be the day? Yet here I am waiting. I wait, patiently hoping, no! Praying that this will be it! That it will finally happen, but it never does. So I wait, I wait for it to happen.

When September 23rd gets here I can rest easy knowing it's finally here, it finally happened. The end came. I want it to come for a few simple reasons, there could be no more pain, no more suffering, true justice and ever lasting peace. No longer will I have to research conspiracies, I will be returned to the dust and my ashes blown to the wind. I can finally close my eyes forever and know there is no more sorrow. There is much freedom in death, to finally be released from my mortal shell would be such a wondrous gift.

If you are not raptured up on September 23rd, then you will go through the tribulations. The banks will be closed for two weeks and there will most likely be chaos. Prepare by stocking two weeks of food, water and fuel, hunker down in your bunker and let the unprepared fight it out. Also possibly consider buying some lube to prepare your anus because at first you will think everything is fine and then when you least expect it, surprise buttsex.